A few answers to questions you might have or might not know you had

• Why aren’t you a real teacher? why the private lessons?

I can’t be an actual teacher in school or at a university because I don’t have a Master’s Degree or a PhD. In Portugal you need those to be a teacher. Is it like that in your country? So I teach private lessons because there is no regulation for that, as I’m consider a tutor. Everything is fine as long as I pay taxes, which I do, obviously. I would love to be a university professor and to teach Literature or History.

• Why haven’t you finished your undergraduate degree? Which courses are you taking this semester?

I enrolled in 2011 and was supposed to finish in three years. However, between being diagnosed with depression, starting my business and handling its growth, it is going to take six years (this is my sixth and final year, final semester ever). Add a little laziness and falling madly in love in my second year (Rui came into my life and I could no longer focus on anything else) and that explains it. This semester I’m taking: Business English, because I already help my students with business English and preparing for interviews and meetings and presentations, but I want a certificate saying that I’m qualified to do it; Italian A2, because I really want to learn the language. It sounds beautiful and it’s similar to Portuguese so it’s easy for me; German A1.2, because I also love the language (I don’t understand why most people hate it, I find it beautiful) and because my mother is fluent and we can practice with each other, which makes for funny conversations; Classic Ancient History, to finish my minor in History; History of Classic Ancient Civilizations, for the same reason. I love History; And finally, North American Cinema, as a part of my Major in North American Studies. When I finish, I will have a Major in North American Studies, a minor in English Studies and a minor in History; Hopefully, I will be done in July.

• Why aren’t you married, why just living together?

Well, we have been living together for two years. I’m not sure how it is in other countries but, in Portugal, if you have been living together for more than 2 years (3? I’m not sure) and you share the same address and file taxes together and such, by law you’re considered a married couple. We share everything, from money, to saving, bills, problems, the good and the bad, so I consider him my husband. I’m sure he has done more for me than most husbands. He’s the greatest and I love the life we share. Will we ever get married? I don’t know. It used to be a dream of mine but, with age and with people and different situations ruining it for me, I’m not so sure now. We probably will end up getting married. I know he wants to and I also want it but I can live without it. This doesn’t mean I don’t believe in marriage at all. I do, and I respect it and believe it’s forever.

• Why don’t we see pictures of Rui on the blog?

This one is simple. He doesn’t want his picture online and I respect him. He is a computer science engineer and he has spent a lot of time studying and working with information security and internet security and so he knows how dangerous it can be to be out there. He’s fine with me uploading my pictures, but he doesn’t want to show is face on the internet. He will also not let me publish pictures of our future kids, which I also respect because well, they will be his kids too. It makes me a little sad because I dream of being a proper mommy blogger someday, but I understand and respect his decision. Don’t worry, I promise you he is cute 🙂

• When were you first diagnosed with depression? Why is it taking so long for you to get better?

I think… 3 or 4 years ago. Before that I had known something was wrong for a long time but it took me a while to understand that it had something to do with mental illness. People would tell me that I was different, my mother would tell me I was not myself, I was lonely, feeling like nothing and so so sad all the time. I would miss classes, sleep 16 hours, not sleep at all, etc. I would attribute that to being tired or being lazy or being a mess. Then I realized that, if I talked to someone, maybe they could help me, and everything would go away. After about 5 therapists, 20 different pill combinations (I feel like a guinea pig) I’m still unwell. I’m tired of it. I just want to be healthy and normal, but no one seems to get my medication right or get to the point… I don’t know.

• Why do you always talk about your mother and sister but never about your dad?

Because I don’t have one. He was abusive and left my mother (I mean she left him, tired of being abused) when I was about two years old. I don’t know him, he doesn’t care and I finally got to a point where I don’t care either. I have an amazing stepdad, I should talk about him more often. He is Brazilian and his name is Luiz. Is the funniest guy ever. He’s so cool. He’s really good to us and I know that he loves me and my sister. And we love him too.

• What is your biggest dream?

I have two great dreams. To be a mother, which I will have to wait a little while… I’m almost there, hopefully I won’t wait longer than two years. And the other one, is an old one. I would like to be a doctor. It’s something I have always wanted, but it never seemed the right time. I went the other way around because I was young and I thought I couldn’t make it. Now I regret it and want to go back but I can’t. Maybe I should try? Everyone tells me I’m not that old yet and that I can still get into medical school. That has many implications and life changes, but I’m tempted to try it. What do you guys think? Should I try for Dr. Cheila Cruz M.D? Tell what you think about it.

• Have you had any other important relationships before Rui? 

Hmm… I have dated a few frogs before finding my prince. My first boyfriend happened when I was thirteen. He is now my best friend. We were kids so we would hold hands and share shy kisses. Today we laugh about it. Then I had another not so serious boyfriend when I was sixteen. We were the perfect couple, extremely popular in our school, the typical prom king and queen. Until he became abusive and I cut it off. I lasted about a year. Then came the one who broke my heart. I was seventeen and impressionable and he was arrogant and bad and I liked that. But he really broke my heart and changed me. I’ll never be the same, I’ll never look at myself in the same way. It has been eight years and it still hurts when I think about it. One day I will tell you about the one that broke my heart. After this, I met a sweet guy who I was with for three years. He was really nice, but the sparkle wasn’t there. We were very different and we knew we wanted different things. We broke up in good terms, no drama there. And then, finally I met Rui, my other half, the man of my dreams, and I love him so much. To this day, if we’re at a party or dinner and he is away from me if I look at him, I think he is so cute and beautiful and smart and perfect. I miss him during the day. He’s my best friend and the first to know everything. I can only sleep if he holds me, which he does, every single night. He tells me I look beautiful every day, even when I know I look like shit, even knowing that I was 30 kg lighter when he met me. This is not safe for work so don’t read it if you’re a prude… One day, after gaining the weight I was feeling so bad and saying I was disgusting and that I had no idea how he could feel anything for me. Do you know what he answered? – You’re beautiful and even if you gain 200 kg I will still jump you. Well, that’s… romantic…I guess 🙂

Do you have any questions to ask me? I have no problem answering anything, as I want to be honest with my followers and for them to know the real me. Please ask away 🙂

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