Category: Health – Anxiety and depression

Bloggers Talk About Mental Health Support Group on Facebook – Will you join us?

Cheila16 Comments

Bloggers Talk About Mental Health Support Group

Hello Fellow Bloggers,

I have been talking about my struggles with anxiety, depression and ,possibly, Bipolar Disorder Type II since I started this blog a year ago. I was never ashamed to put it out there. I mean, I’m lying. I was NO LONGER ashamed to put it out there. There was a lot of shame once.

There was also loneliness.

That is why I decided to start this Facebook group where we can all talk, support each other, vent, complain, share experiences and frustrations, all with people who DO understand.

I know many of you struggle with mental health issues as well, so I thought we could all be together in this. Will you be my shoulder to cry on? I will be very happy to be yours.

Look for the group, share with your friends who needed us as well.

Love you all.

Chey.

I have Great News!!

Cheila44 Comments

Everyone,

I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday and she said I looked like a different person. She said I’m so much better and that she was very happy to see me. She reduced my medication and so I’m no longer on Bupropion and Mexazolam, which I have been taking for the longest time.

I’m just so happy about this.

It’s the first time I’ve seen a real improvement and reduction on my medication, after years of increasing it, changing it, trial and error. I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression since I was 18. I was diagnosed and first medicated at 22. I’ve been through 2 psychiatrists, 5 therapists and I know 75% of antidepressants, mood stabilizers and anti anxiety pills on the market.

I wish I didn’t have so much information. But since I do, I need to make sure I share it with others. And I promise you I’ll do that. For those of you who are still struggling, I’ll share my detailed experience and do my best to help.

Today, I just want to tell you it’s possible to get better. I’m not cured and I don’t know when/if I’ll ever be, but I’m finally so much better.

Trust me, I have seen the darkest side of life. I’ve felt it. I’ve lived with a huge cloud over my head for years. I’ve been through life carrying a backpack full of rocks for way too long. I’ve hated myself, everyone else, life itself. Everything has seemed pointless. Everyone has looked like an enemy. Death has been a wish.

I know it’s difficult and sometimes unfair/hard to compare, but I can tell you I had one of the most serious and difficult cases of clinical depression. I know quite a few people who have suffered from depression and they all got better so much easily, faster, sooner. That was frustrating and I would get angry because I seemed to have it worse than everyone else. I actually did. Years of extreme stress, heartbreak, responsibilities, growing up too fast, taking care of others, being strong for them, a bad childhood, among other things had collapsed on me, so I was dealing with 20 something years worth of trauma, damage, exhaustion. I wasn’t having an episode of depression. I was having THE episode of depression I had been holding inside me forever. It hit me hard, with no mercy.

God knows how much I’ve been through because of my mental health.

God knows how much Rui has been through because of it.

That guy is a saint.

I don’t say this because I love him, I say this because I know him. He is a rock. He’ll take care of you, provide you with whatever you need, comfort you, be there for you emotionally, know how to handle an anxiety attack, do extensive research on all of your medications, make sure you take care of yourself, cook for you, clean for you, understand when you simply cannot get out of bed, cuddle you, give you hope, say you’re beautiful when you’ve put on 60 pounds, make you laugh when you really want to cry, protect you, tell you you’ll find the best possible doctor and care, no matter how much you’ll have to spend or how you’re going to find the money for, do his best to make you smile, be your shoulder to cry on, defend you, tell people who think “depression is in your head” they’re fucking idiots and ignorants who should go and get some information, be your mother’s best friend, your sister’s big brother, be there for your appointments, get you the things you like because they’ll make you a little happy, get really angry at you because you don’t eat properly, be your absolute best friend, caretaker, boyfriend, husband, lover, confidant, partner, fan, the one who makes up for whatever is missing.

I think everyone should have someone like Rui in their lives.

We’ve been through thick and thin and we’re still together. We’ve really been through some real “grown up” problems for the past 5 years we’ve been together. There was never cheating, jealousy, cellphone checking, lying, issues with exes. We’ve been dealing with real, hard, old married couple problems since we were about 22 and 22, up until now. I guess we’ve passed the test.

What I really want to say is, I’m not cured. I may never be. I don’t mind really, as long as I have the proper care. But today, finally, I can say that I am far BETTER. Better is a beautiful word. So I’m happy about better. Better is more than enough.

Thank you for everything, guys.

If you’re going through a similar journey, we’re together. Talk to me. Let me be there for you.

Daily Planner and Journal – 05.02.2018: Trying to bring it back (about 8 hours late) + weekend

Cheila10 Comments

Good afternoon guys,

How are you facing Monday?

It’s a hard one right?

  • Hangover from drinking while watching Super Bowl?
  • Depressed because of THAT This is Us episode?
  • Shocked/ecstatic because Kylie Jenner has given birth?
  • All of the above?

Right.

May your coffee be strong and your chocolate be plenty.

I’m actually fine. I don’t care for the Super Bowl, I haven’t watched THAT episode yet (Lord help me) and I’ve been googling “Kylie Jenner pregnant” every day since September, waiting for news so I’m pretty satisfied. I’m not joking about the google part.

I really want to go back to my early morning planning and before bed journaling and update on how my day went and how I tackled my to-do list. I know you guys enjoy it and I feel more organized when I do so.

I would like the planning to be published at about 8 a.m and the update to go up at about 8 p.m. it would be nice to have somewhat of a schedule. I hope I can pull it off.

About the weekend: I did nothing. I was expecting it so I am fine with it. I needed a break. For real.

I have this huge freelance writing project to finish until the end of the week so I’m working on that.

I’m so much better than last week, thankfully.

See you soon, guys.

❤️

About the weekend + the shitty week + heartbreak

Cheila23 Comments

Hey guys,

Happy Tuesday. Better than Monday right? Well, not for me. I’m having the shittiest week and yes, I know the whole week will be shitty and it’s only Tuesday.

I had THE WORST day yesterday. I can’t really get into details for privacy reasons (not mine, I’m not exactly a private person). Family issues just suck in general but even more so when someone you’re close to and someone you’ve known for your whole life and done EVERYTHING for, turns out to be very different than the person you thought you knew. Man, it hurts all over. I’ve cried my eyes out, missed work and am pretty sure I’m going to have a relapse. I thought I already knew all kinds of suffering and pain but, it turns out, there’s always a bigger, deeper one. Shit, how can I describe how much it hurts? I’m sure you all love someone with every fiber of your being. You know the feeling, right? Imagine you suddenly having reasons to doubt they love you as unconditionally as you love them. It’s life changing. It’s physically painful. They say you can’t break a broken heart but, trust me, you can. Over and over. I’m sorry I’m being so secretive, I know it’s annoying but I need to vent.

You know what’s funny? Even thought they have hurt you so deeply, you still feel bad for every little bit you might have hurt them. This person I’m talking about, I slapped them yesterday. Twice. Yes, me. I can be a bitch. They’ve hurt me so bad and I feel like the devil for those two slaps. I feel like I’ve slapped my soul. That’s how much I love them. Damn, I can’t seem to catch a fucking break.

Anyway, life goes on, I guess. I’m off to work now, there’s laundry to be done. I eat, shower, just like every day. It just hurts to work, eat and shower.

Let’s just get over the depressing and try to talk about normal stuff for a while, shall we? I’ll do a weekend to-do list update. Don’t expect much, we were pretty lazy.

1 PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND:

Things I must not forget:

• To drink my 1.5 to 2 l of water;

Yes.

• To eat my fruits and veggies;

Yes.

• To take my pills on time;

Yes.

• To make sure I take at least 10.000 steps. (I only aim for 5.000 on the days when I work out)

No.

• Remember to insert all of this information in my health app (including meals), which is the best thing I’ve been using ever. Lifesum

Yes.

• Go and get my eyebrows done (for crying out loud)

No.

• Cut my hair, my ends are very dry and thin.

No.

• Shaving. I’m in a public pool several times a week, they don’t need to endure hairy legs, armpits and lady bits. (I rhymed)

No.

Self-care things I would like to do:

• A green clay mask, as I haven’t done one in God knows how long.

No.

• Take 2 big nature walks with the mister and the little four-legged lady. (Probably not gonna happen, being honest here)

No.

• Do my favorite yoga routine before bed, I’ve been waking up about 3 times each night.

No.

• Do some kind of foot scrub.

No.

• Apply some clear nail polish on my nails so I won’t bite them.

No.

Things we actually need to do:

• Finish tidying up the house. We have moved the furniture we intended to, which means Rui’s desk is in the living room and I have an office space in our bedroom. Our former office is now a “closet” (Our wardrobe, shoes, bags, coats are in there) and a guest bedroom. When you make such drastic changes, objects need to be moved as well, so there are lots of clothes and random objects that need to be put away.

Kind of.

• Laundry. Besides our regular laundry, we have a few blankets, pillows and clothes for my pregnant friend that need to be washed, as well as a few sheets. We also have a ton to put away.

Yes.

• Clean the kitchen.

Kind of.

• Do some general cleaning around the house. (I’ll tell you what we got done when I do my update on Sunday)

Kind of.

• I need to move some of my plants inside because they don’t seem to like the cold and rain.

Yes.

• Rosa NEEDS to go to the vet.

No.

• We need to cook and prep for the week ahead.

Yes.

• I want to read some blogs.

Yes.

• I want to get my planner ready for the week (would you like to take a peek at my planner?)

No.

How was your weekend, people?

Hugs.

Chey.