…And we’re getting married! A thousand ring pictures in just a few days ❤️

Now is the time I very excitedly announce I said yes so…

I said yes!

I feel kind of silly because I had said yes a long time ago and we’ve been technically married (civil union – legally recognized as a marriage in terms of rights) for a few years but I guess we’re having a big wedding and I get to be a bride and say yes officially and have a ring.

I’ve honestly never been happier because I absolutely love the ring. The guy, I don’t care about him as much but, I mean, who likes their husband? 😂

Joking. You know I love him with all my heart and have committed to spend my life with him a long time ago.

Now, I must show off…

About the weekend + the shitty week + heartbreak

Hey guys,

Happy Tuesday. Better than Monday right? Well, not for me. I’m having the shittiest week and yes, I know the whole week will be shitty and it’s only Tuesday.

I had THE WORST day yesterday. I can’t really get into details for privacy reasons (not mine, I’m not exactly a private person). Family issues just suck in general but even more so when someone you’re close to and someone you’ve known for your whole life and done EVERYTHING for, turns out to be very different than the person you thought you knew. Man, it hurts all over. I’ve cried my eyes out, missed work and am pretty sure I’m going to have a relapse. I thought I already knew all kinds of suffering and pain but, it turns out, there’s always a bigger, deeper one. Shit, how can I describe how much it hurts? I’m sure you all love someone with every fiber of your being. You know the feeling, right? Imagine you suddenly having reasons to doubt they love you as unconditionally as you love them. It’s life changing. It’s physically painful. They say you can’t break a broken heart but, trust me, you can. Over and over. I’m sorry I’m being so secretive, I know it’s annoying but I need to vent.

You know what’s funny? Even thought they have hurt you so deeply, you still feel bad for every little bit you might have hurt them. This person I’m talking about, I slapped them yesterday. Twice. Yes, me. I can be a bitch. They’ve hurt me so bad and I feel like the devil for those two slaps. I feel like I’ve slapped my soul. That’s how much I love them. Damn, I can’t seem to catch a fucking break.

Anyway, life goes on, I guess. I’m off to work now, there’s laundry to be done. I eat, shower, just like every day. It just hurts to work, eat and shower.


Let’s just get over the depressing and try to talk about normal stuff for a while, shall we? I’ll do a weekend to-do list update. Don’t expect much, we were pretty lazy.

1 PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND:

Things I must not forget:

• To drink my 1.5 to 2 l of water;

Yes.

• To eat my fruits and veggies;

Yes.

• To take my pills on time;

Yes.

• To make sure I take at least 10.000 steps. (I only aim for 5.000 on the days when I work out)

No.

• Remember to insert all of this information in my health app (including meals), which is the best thing I’ve been using ever. Lifesum

Yes.

• Go and get my eyebrows done (for crying out loud)

No.

• Cut my hair, my ends are very dry and thin.

No.

• Shaving. I’m in a public pool several times a week, they don’t need to endure hairy legs, armpits and lady bits. (I rhymed)

No.

Self-care things I would like to do:

• A green clay mask, as I haven’t done one in God knows how long.

No.

• Take 2 big nature walks with the mister and the little four-legged lady. (Probably not gonna happen, being honest here)

No.

• Do my favorite yoga routine before bed, I’ve been waking up about 3 times each night.

No.

• Do some kind of foot scrub.

No.

• Apply some clear nail polish on my nails so I won’t bite them.

No.

Things we actually need to do:

• Finish tidying up the house. We have moved the furniture we intended to, which means Rui’s desk is in the living room and I have an office space in our bedroom. Our former office is now a “closet” (Our wardrobe, shoes, bags, coats are in there) and a guest bedroom. When you make such drastic changes, objects need to be moved as well, so there are lots of clothes and random objects that need to be put away.

Kind of.

• Laundry. Besides our regular laundry, we have a few blankets, pillows and clothes for my pregnant friend that need to be washed, as well as a few sheets. We also have a ton to put away.

Yes.

• Clean the kitchen.

Kind of.

• Do some general cleaning around the house. (I’ll tell you what we got done when I do my update on Sunday)

Kind of.

• I need to move some of my plants inside because they don’t seem to like the cold and rain.

Yes.

• Rosa NEEDS to go to the vet.

No.

• We need to cook and prep for the week ahead.

Yes.

• I want to read some blogs.

Yes.

• I want to get my planner ready for the week (would you like to take a peek at my planner?)

No.

How was your weekend, people?

Hugs.

Chey.

And the Winner is…

And the winner of the best love story giveaway is…

Amanda Dunn – Adventures With Amanda Dunn

I haven’t told her, I want her to see this post and be surprised 🙂

Here’s her lovely story:

Mine and Jad’s story is like film! 🙂 we have been best friend’s forever – both had other boyfriends/girlfriends but best friend throughout. Then in 2009 we spend more time together ans on a drunken night out we kissed 😐 ha. We were still buddies at this point, but slowly grow closer and closer. A few months had passed and we were like a proper couple, but kept up with our “just pals” barrier. Then one night, Jad was rushed to hospital and I had found out through his Auntie. I rushed to the hospital and bumped into his mum who had a note saying “tell Amanda” with my number on it. He was so happy to see that I was already there. There and then he said he loved me and that was it. We stuck by each other. Turned into a real couple, naturally. 💙💙 we always joke that he asked me to marry him before asking me to be is girlfriend haha! Anyway, we are now married. Been together for over 8 years and still best friends! 💙💙💙 such a soppy comment from me haha.

Thank you for sharing with us, dear Amanda!!

And here’s the gift you’ll receive as soon as I get your address:

person

Two key chains: One with A, for Amanda and one with J, for Jamie. I really hope they like this present.

 

 

Introducing Mr.R – A love story (11.02.2017)

Today I want you to meet by better half, Rui. I keep talking about him in every post but he’s so great that he should have his own post. I will also write about our story and how we met.

So, as I’ve told you, his name is Rui. It’s a very common name in Portugal. He’s 26 years old and a computer science engineer (or systems analyst, his position). He loves his job and he’s very good at it. He’s the kind of person that everyone goes to when they need help or when they want something done. He’s very good at solving problems and finding solutions for different situations. He’s so smart and knows a little bit about everything. When he doesn’t, he will for sure learn about it. He has the mind of an engineer and I can’t imagine him doing anything else.

He grew up in the countryside, in a small village. He has a younger brother. He loves agriculture and has a great vegetable garden (and a blog where he writes about it) that he takes really good care of. We are still eating frozen veggies from last Summer. I think that he will be a farmer when once he’s retired.

He loves to cook and is really great at it. He helps me with everything around the house. I mean, he doesn’t help me because that makes it sound like it’s my obligation and he just helps, which is not the case. We each have tasks and he picks up the slack when I’m unable to do mine. He knows how to do everything, other thank folding clothes. He can iron his own shirts, which most men I know can’t.

He’s great with our dog, Rosa and she can do whatever she wants with him. He’s like a daddy with his little girl. He didn’t like dogs at all and we only got her because he thought she would help me with my depression because he had read that a pet can be a great comfort.

We met in January of 2013 and started dating on March 23rd of the same year. We met online, in a chat room and we started talking every single day. We got really close and would talk all day long, by text, Skype, Facebook or whatever was available. We realized from the very beginning that we had so much in common. We believed in the same things and we wanted the same things. It was a perfect match but… we were living in different cities, 200 km apart. At the time, he had just finished his degree and was looking for a job but had always said he didn’t want to move to Lisbon (the capital, where I lived). Until one day, when he decided that it might be an option. He went to an interview and didn’t tell me anything until he got the job. I was over the moon when he told me that he was coming to Lisbon and that we would be living in the same city, which I had though as impossible. He moved to Lisbon, we met face to face for the first time and the rest is history. We’ve been together ever since, almost four years now. We have been living together for two years and have moved twice. We have been through so much in the past four years but that has only made us stronger.

He’s my rock, my best friend and the only person who knows how to take care of me and deal with my crises. When we found out I had depression he did a lot of research in order to be able to support me as much as he could, to know what he should and shouldn’t say, to know what he could do to make me better. He has been helping me ever since, being patient and kind and encouraging. He makes sure I take my pills, that I go to my doctor’s appointments and that I have all the help that I need. He always says that it doesn’t matter how much we spend, as long as I have the best possible care. He has given me the option to stay home if I wanted to, just because working was becoming too hard. He does everything for me and always listens. He pays attention to the little things and is always giving me flowers or little presents. If I need him, he will be there for me. He’s just the best and I love him so much.

Of course he has some flaws, like everyone else. He’s not great at putting things back where they belong and always leaves his wet towel… everywhere. He always says yes to everything you ask him, but then you have to ask like 5 times and wait about 6 months. Those are the ones that real bother me. But then he’s so cute and funny and sweet and that makes me forget about what he does wrong. He’s a good guy with a great heart and everyone loves him. He’s one of the good ones and the best partner a girl could ask for. I’m really lucky and I tell everyone that.

A few answers to questions you might have or might not know you had

  • Why aren’t you a real teacher? why the private lessons?

I can’t be an actual teacher in school or at a university because I don’t have a Master’s Degree or a PhD. In Portugal you need those to be a teacher. Is it like that in your country? So I teach private lessons because there is no regulation for that, as I’m consider a tutor. Everything is fine as long as I pay taxes, which I do, obviously. I would love to be a university professor and to teach Literature or History.

  • Why haven’t you finished your undergraduate degree? Which courses are you taking this semester?

I enrolled in 2011 and was supposed to finish in three years. However, between being diagnosed with depression, starting my business and handling its growth, it is going to take six years (this is my sixth and final year, final semester ever). Add a little laziness and falling madly in love in my second year (Rui came into my life and I could no longer focus on anything else) and that explains it. This semester I’m taking: Business English, because I already help my students with business English and preparing for interviews and meetings and presentations, but I want a certificate saying that I’m qualified to do it; Italian A2, because I really want to learn the language. It sounds beautiful and it’s similar to Portuguese so it’s easy for me; German A1.2, because I also love the language (I don’t understand why most people hate it, I find it beautiful) and because my mother is fluent and we can practice with each other, which makes for funny conversations; Classic Ancient History, to finish my minor in History; History of Classic Ancient Civilizations, for the same reason. I love History; And finally, North American Cinema, as a part of my Major in North American Studies. When I finish, I will have a Major in North American Studies, a minor in English Studies and a minor in History; Hopefully, I will be done in July.

  • Why aren’t you married, why just living together?

Well, we have been living together for two years. I’m not sure how it is in other countries but, in Portugal, if you have been living together for more than 2 years (3? I’m not sure) and you share the same address and file taxes together and such, by law you’re considered a married couple. We share everything, from money, to saving, bills, problems, the good and the bad, so I consider him my husband. I’m sure he has done more for me than most husbands. He’s the greatest and I love the life we share. Will we ever get married? I don’t know. It used to be a dream of mine but, with age and with people and different situations ruining it for me, I’m not so sure now. We probably will end up getting married. I know he wants to and I also want it but I can live without it. This doesn’t mean I don’t believe in marriage at all. I do, and I respect it and believe it’s forever.

  • Why don’t we see pictures of Rui on the blog?

This one is simple. He doesn’t want his picture online and I respect him. He is a computer science engineer and he has spent a lot of time studying and working with information security and internet security and so he knows how dangerous it can be to be out there. He’s fine with me uploading my pictures, but he doesn’t want to show is face on the internet. He will also not let me publish pictures of our future kids, which I also respect because well, they will be his kids too. It makes me a little sad because I dream of being a proper mommy blogger someday, but I understand and respect his decision. Don’t worry, I promise you he is cute 🙂

  • When were you first diagnosed with depression? Why is it taking so long for you to get better?

I think… 3 or 4 years ago. Before that I had known something was wrong for a long time but it took me a while to understand that it had something to do with mental illness. People would tell me that I was different, my mother would tell me I was not myself, I was lonely, feeling like nothing and so so sad all the time. I would miss classes, sleep 16 hours, not sleep at all, etc. I would attribute that to being tired or being lazy or being a mess. Then I realized that, if I talked to someone, maybe they could help me, and everything would go away. After about 5 therapists, 20 different pill combinations (I feel like a guinea pig) I’m still unwell. I’m tired of it. I just want to be healthy and normal, but no one seems to get my medication right or get to the point… I don’t know.

  • Why do you always talk about your mother and sister but never about your dad?

Because I don’t have one. He was abusive and left my mother (I mean she left him, tired of being abused) when I was about two years old. I don’t know him, he doesn’t care and I finally got to a point where I don’t care either. I have an amazing stepdad, I should talk about him more often. He is Brazilian and his name is Luiz. Is the funniest guy ever. He’s so cool. He’s really good to us and I know that he loves me and my sister. And we love him too.

  • What is your biggest dream?

I have two great dreams. To be a mother, which I will have to wait a little while… I’m almost there, hopefully I won’t wait longer than two years. And the other one, is an old one. I would like to be a doctor. It’s something I have always wanted, but it never seemed the right time. I went the other way around because I was young and I thought I couldn’t make it. Now I regret it and want to go back but I can’t. Maybe I should try? Everyone tells me I’m not that old yet and that I can still get into medical school. That has many implications and life changes, but I’m tempted to try it. What do you guys think? Should I try for Dr. Cheila Cruz M.D? Tell what you think about it.

  • Have you had any other important relationships before Rui? 

Hmm… I have dated a few frogs before finding my prince. My first boyfriend happened when I was thirteen. He is now my best friend. We were kids so we would hold hands and share shy kisses. Today we laugh about it. Then I had another not so serious boyfriend when I was sixteen. We were the perfect couple, extremely popular in our school, the typical prom king and queen. Until he became abusive and I cut it off. I lasted about a year. Then came the one who broke my heart. I was seventeen and impressionable and he was arrogant and bad and I liked that. But he really broke my heart and changed me. I’ll never be the same, I’ll never look at myself in the same way. It has been eight years and it still hurts when I think about it. One day I will tell you about the one that broke my heart. After this, I met a sweet guy who I was with for three years. He was really nice, but the sparkle wasn’t there. We were very different and we knew we wanted different things. We broke up in good terms, no drama there. And then, finally I met Rui, my other half, the man of my dreams, and I love him so much. To this day, if we’re at a party or dinner and he is away from me if I look at him, I think he is so cute and beautiful and smart and perfect. I miss him during the day. He’s my best friend and the first to know everything. I can only sleep if he holds me, which he does, every single night. He tells me I look beautiful every day, even when I know I look like shit, even knowing that I was 30 kg lighter when he met me. This is not safe for work so don’t read it if you’re a prude… One day, after gaining the weight I was feeling so bad and saying I was disgusting and that I had no idea how he could feel anything for me. Do you know what he answered? – You’re beautiful and even if you gain 200 kg I will still jump you. Well, that’s… romantic…I guess 🙂

Do you have any questions to ask me? I have no problem answering anything, as I want to be honest with my followers and for them to know the real me. Please ask away 🙂

A Love Letter

Dear Rui,

Today marks four years since the day you asked me to be your girlfriend. We both knew we were headed in that direction since the first time we talked, didn’t we? At least I knew. There was always something about you that I couldn’t explain at the time. Four years later, I know. You’re everything I ever wished for. You’re my person. We’re very different but we share the same values, the same goals and the same heart. We fell in love with each other because both of us are everything the other was looking for in a person, that’s what we said at the time. Today, for years and a million problems later, I believe we not only want each other, but we need each other. I need you. You’re my rock, my everything. All the things I’ve been through for the past four years, good or bad, wouldn’t have been the same if I didn’t have you by my side. You make everything better.

We have certainly been through so much, especially me. You have never left my side. You have never given up on me, even when I have. You make sure that I’m safe and well taken care of and happy. You do everything for me, even if you don’t fully agree with what I’m doing. You always take my side. You always defend me. You hate people who say that depression is just being lazy and sad. You get really mad when you hear comments like that, because you know. You have been with me through it all and you know how much I suffer, so you know how serious it is. I know you suffer for me too and I love you for that.

But I would be lying if I sad I only love you because of what you are for me. I love you because you are so much more. You’re beautiful and kind-hearted and funny and so so intelligent. You know a lot about everything and you know how to do everything. If you don’t, you will find out. That’s who you are. You discover, you think, you solve problems. You’re so good at it. You’re so committed to your job, it makes me really proud of you. Everyone loves you, because you’re so special.

I love how you always tease my mother and make her laugh. She loves you. Everyone loves you. You’re that kind of person. Everyone trusts you too, because you are honest and trustworthy and you have such strong values.

My God, there’s so much to love about you. I don’t know how I ended up being so lucky. I know I am. I know most girls don’t have a Rui. You treat me like a princess, when I feel like I’m less than nothing. You love me the way I am, which I still need to find out how. I don’t know how you can love me so much. I would have given up on me by this point. But that’s not who you are. You don’t give up on things. You don’t give up on people. You don’t give up on me.

Right now, you’re willing to live with less money and take such a heavy burden so I can be home and heal. You just want me to get better and be happy, you say. You don’t care how much you spend, where you live, how much you have. You are happy if I’m well and happy, you say. How did I get so lucky? I don’t even know if I deserve it.

I thought about writing this letter because I don’t have a present for you. I know you could care less, but I need to give you something. So I write, without thinking, whatever comes from my heart. I’m sorry if it doesn’t make much sense.

I just want you to know how much I love you. It’s too much to quantify. You’re my person. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. There could never be anyone else. You’re perfect. You’re mine. I love you so much. I wish I could express it better.

I hope we have many more years together. I hope life knows how much we need each other.

Happy 4th anniversary.

Love,

Cheila.

It looks like I have…

I’m sooooo happy! This tiny, little blog of mine keeps growing. That makes my heart so happy. To know that there are so many people who take their time to read what I write, like my posts, encourage me, support me, be with me in general. I feel so lucky to have you, my dear readers. Please never leave me. If I get boring, you tell me. If I get difficult to read, you tell me. If this blog ever becomes different from what it is today, in a negative way, you tell me and offer to slap me. You are what make this blog real. Thank you for being there for me.

Love,

Cheila

I’m very lucky because…

… If you don’t count my depression, weight problems and bad back I’m healthy.

… I have a man who loves me so much and is able to put up with all the drama that comes with living with a person with depression.

… I have an amazing mom, and I have an amazing relationship with her. We can talk about anything.

… I have a beautiful sister, who I love so much. I know she loves me back and looks up to me and is proud of me.

… I have a great relationship with my stepdad and I know he loves me, even if I’m not his biological daughter.

… I have my own business, I can make up my own hours, miss work if I have too, etc.

… I have a fantastic group of best friends, who always support me.

… I have a beautiful crazy dog, that I love so much and loves me unconditionally.

… I have a great big office, just for myself.

… I have a cute little house, with a big garden.

… I have a fireplace.

… I can read and write. Not every one can, unfortunately.

… I have a new stove.

… I have kind, understanding students.

… I have the opportunity to attend university.

… I am intelligent and love to learn.

… I have a great new doctor.

… I have my blog. I’m in love with my blog.

… I have my readers, who support me.

… I have a pink camera.

… I leave in the countryside, surrounded by green

… I leave near the beach.

… I leave near the beautiful city of Lisbon.

… I leave in a country where there is no war, not much drama and the weather is usually great.

… I can cook.

… I have a library card.

… I have lots of clothes. Not all of them fit, but that’s a different story.

… I don’t know prejudice. I’m not racist, homophobic or anything of the sort. I don’t discriminate and I have an open mind.

… I feel loved.

… I’m in a steady, loving, healthy relationship.

… I have a great sense of humor.

… I can speak English.

… I can teach English.

… I have running water, electricity and gas.

… I have a bed to sleep every night. (unless the dog peed on it and I have to sleep on the couch)

… I have a couch.

… I have money for food (meaning cereal)

…I have most of my teeth.

…I can watch movies and series.

… I’m alive.

 

Would you like to give me your list? Tell me, what do you have to be grateful for? What makes you feel lucky?