Life update – News and Changes

Hello dear friends,

First of all, I would like to thank you all for taking the time to send well wishes and hugs and prayers in my moment of sickness. My gastritis is still on fire, but a little better. My headache is gone, so I have that to comfort me.

Today I come to you with news. Big news.

Yesterday I had a really bad day. I was sick and my anxiety was through the roof. I had some issue with some friends (which is now solved and I’m stupid) and I had the biggest anxiety attack I had ever had in my life, because of an argument. I’m at a point where I can’t react normally to the smallest things. My nerves are on edge, I’m extremely sensitive (I cry about literally anything) and my anxiety is uncontrollable. I feel sad and cry just about every day. Then, I have a few good days and I think I’m finally well but it all comes back in a short amount of time. Things are not looking good, medication is obviously not enough. I need to stop and take care of myself, otherwise I will be posting from a hospital bed very soon.

My boyfriend and I, along the help of some friends and the opinions of some  family members and people who love me, decided that I will stop working for now. I’ve been working and studying and battling depression non-stop for many years and I’m exhausted. This is the last thing I wanted but I got to the point where I have no choice. This is the best for me, for Rui and for our family. Sometimes you need to take a step back in order to take two steps forward. That is what I’m doing.

So, what is the plan?

First I will stop renting my office. I pay a huge rent every month and I am not working enough to justify that expense. For the last couple of months, I don’t think I even made enough to cover the rent, simply because I have been unable to work and spent more days at home than at the office.

I will tell my students that they need to look for another teacher, unless they want to wait a month or two, which I doubt. Also, I don’t want to give myself a deadline, I will only go back when I feel well enough to do so.

What am I going to be doing with my time?

  • Going to my doctor’s appointments and keep taking my medication at regular hours;
  • Improve my diet, work on eating at the right hours and the right foods, something I haven’t done in years. I need to get on a habit of eating well and putting nutrients into my body.
  • Exercise. I have been sitting at a desk for twelve hours or more for many years too. I will go swimming, do yoga and probably try something new.
  • I will spend the day at my mother’s house, a few times a week. We live in a very isolated place, so weeks go by with me staying home and seeing no one but Rui and the god. My friends and family live 45 minutes away, I have no car and no buses near my house. I’m completely isolated. Coming to my mother’s house, I will spend time with her and my sister and I will be able to see friends, since I’m in the city.
  • I will read.
  • I will get in a good sleeping routine.
  • I will keep blogging.
  • I will rest and relax in general and focus only on myself and getting better, which I haven’t done in a long time and doesn’t come naturally to me. I’m good at taking care of other people, I’m always worried about my friends and family members but I’m very mean and negligent towards myself.

This is not an easy decision for me, as I have always worked. Sometimes I even had more than one job. Now my job will be me. Taking care of me. Doing fun stuff, to get my spirits up. It’s not normal for me, but I will give it a try. Hopefully I will get better, Mr. R is going to be less burdened and worried and we will both feel better and move in the right direction.

After much thought and even a little prayer, this is going to be my life in the next few weeks. You guys will follow my daily life and hopefully my improvements.

Thank you so much for being with me no matter what.

Love.

 

 

 

 

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70 thoughts on “Life update – News and Changes

  1. ignitedmoth says:

    Hugs! ❤
    I think it sounds like you're making a good call. The fact that you made this decision with your loved ones probably helps too because you know you'll have their support and a good support system can really help. 🙂
    This really brings a certain quote to mind that I think is important to remember from time to time: "You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first".
    I know I'm the type of person who has always tried to bend over backwards to make other people happy, not step on any toes, and keep the peace, but in the past year or so I've really learned that I absolutely NEED to take care of myself too. I was in a mental place of rock bottom not that long ago and my mental health was scary bad. I decided then that I needed to make some drastic changes too, so I totally get where you're coming from and support your decision. Do what you need to do to take care of you! I genuinely hope it helps you find some inner peace and that things get better. There will still be rough times, sure, but just try to take things one day at a time and don't be afraid to set small goals that add up into the bigger ones you want. 🙂 Good luck!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Amelie says:

    I’m sorry about the fact that things have worsened so but I’m glad you’re taking time to do what needs to be done. I hope that you’re able to get better, remember that you have 500 of us blogger people supporting you in your journey 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. BeaFreitas says:

    Anxiety and depression can be extremely rough on the body and mind. I think it’s an excellent idea that you’ve taken the time to realize where you are today and that you need a positive change. I love that you’re so open and willing to tell us your experience. I wish you the best of luck with everything. You’re amazing and good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheila says:

      Thank you for reading, Bea. I love to be open about it. It makes me feel more confident, less ashamed and it makes it less of a taboo. I love to be able to contribute to that. It is a decease and people need to acknowledge it as such!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. RhapsodyBoheme says:

    I see you as an empath, always caring for others while putting ourselves last. I can relate and blogged about it before, but I too had to come to the realization that we can’t do good for others if we don’t take the time to take care of ourselves. You seem to know exactly what you need to do and even though unfamiliar and strange to you, it will be the best thing you can do. You are already on your way and I wish you all the best. May you find your way back to yourself and give yourself enough love and credit to say goodbye to the sadness. Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sandra says:

    I think it’s important to take care of yourself too. It’s very hard to really take that step though so I applaud you! I hope everything will be better for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. frugaldod says:

    Sorry to hear about the difficulties. It’s good to hear your decision to quit working to take care of yourself. I appreciate hear about what you will be doing during your time and encourages me that I should consider some of these myself as I work and go to school currently and barely sleep more than 4 hours a night, so if I don’t change something soon I may end up with my own problems. Will be praying for improvement in how you are doing and what is going on. I am glad that you will continue blogging so that we can follow your journey 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheila says:

      I will definitely blog about my daily life in this next phase and you will wills be updated when it comes to my improvement. You are taking on too much, that’s not good for you at all. I was, for a long time, in the mindset that I was tough and could handle everything and that is what got me in this mess. Don’t do the same to yourself, please. I will pray to God to give strength to endure this busy time of your life, but take care of yourself. Thank you for reading, and commenting and for your advice and prayers. Sending hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

      • frugaldod says:

        I actually took up the blogging because I find it therapeutic, especially find creating my Monday quotes very relaxing, which has helped bring down my stress level for sure, and just taking time to ‘be a kid with my toddler’ that helps alot too 🙂 I am thankfully close to being done with school and looking forward to very needed time off during the summer. Thanks for the hugs 🙂 You can never get enough 😀 Sending hugs right back hoping your gastritis and headaches gives you less problems. I used to have headaches/migraines almost daily and know quite well how much headaches can really ruin a day.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Swetlana says:

    I’m so happy to read that you decided to take the plunge and making sure you are taking care of you and your mental health! I really hope these upcoming weeks are going to work to work to your advantage!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheila says:

      I really hope so too. It was a tough decision, I don’t even know who I am if I’m not working, but it has gotten to a point where I have no choice. Either this or the loony bin in a few months.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Swetlana says:

        It might be time to figure out who you are when you can’t be the you who is working. I’m sure there are great things for you to discover about yourself yet and this should be a good opportunity to do it. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. comfykittea says:

    What a great family you have! I’m glad that they support you to take a break to reconnect with yourself. Yoga and a change of diet will hopefully help you on your journey!
    I also think it’s a very good idea to get out of your usual surroundings to change habits. And you are absolutely right that a deadline is the last thing you need in this situation.
    Sending you a huge hug and all the best 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheila says:

      They are amazing. But the best of all is my boyfriend. He’s more like my husband, boyfriend doesn’t describe what this man is and does for me. He has been picking up the slack for a long time and will take over while I take this time to myself. He’s the best I could ever get, there aren’t many like him. Thank you so much for being there. Hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Naomi Byrnes says:

    Wishing you warmest care and feeling excited for you to be making choices, seeing where they lead and connecting with others so we all experience that we are not alone in our pain – ever. Thank you for your courage and self expression and leadership in this blog. I’m inspired to renew my own self care, conscious choices and connections with others. I long to hear you be very gentle with yourself – to notice when part of you is calling another part of you a name such as ‘stupid’. May both parts receive a gentle, curious and safe hearing in time. This is my own ongoing work too and I think for many of us as we were generally not raised with sufficient safety

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheila says:

      Yes, that is definitely the case. I either don’t know or I forgot how to be kind to myself. I will try to remember that. I hope my journey can inspire others and that we can all learn to be our best friends and to take great care of ourselves, especially our feelings and mental health. Thank you so much for reading and for commenting! I wish you all the best. Keep coming by!! xo

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Cherylene says:

    Best wishes Cheila, I commend you for accepting that you need to stop and take the necessary action to get better. There’s only one Cheila and you need to take care of yourself. All the best to you and may you find yourself renewed, refreshed and in a better place mentally and physically. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. JoAnna says:

    Someone told me once I needed to include myself in my circle of compassion. I’m still learning how to do that. Since you’ve been taking more care of other people for so long, take all the time you need to bring yourself back into balance. I love that you think of this as a new job: taking care of yourself. It won’t get you a paycheck right away, but it will pay off big in the long run!

    Like

  12. One-Way to Health says:

    I am so sorry for what you are going through, but you’ll be surprised how much stress work can put on you. I think this is definitely a good decision you made, you and your happiness come before any job out there. Now you have time to rest and concentrate on getting better, which I’m sure you will soon! Also, talking about eating healthy, try to cut all added sugar, I know it sounds hard and it is at the beginning, but I swear you will feel so much better! Sugar has a huge impact on the way we feel, it gives us a fake sense of happiness when we have it and then we suddenly feel down and it’s like a continuous roller coster. I did it myself for a while and together with a bit of exercise or yoga, it totally got me sorted. I am not usually a health freak, but eating good really does help! All the best of luck, I will be following your journey and keep sending my love! 😘😘

    Like

  13. Danielle says:

    It’s important that you do what will help you feel better ❤️taking a breather can make a huge difference. Have you tried CBT? My friend had sessions for a few months and it really helped xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  14. lifeisaseasyas says:

    I know it’s hard but sometimes it the right thing to do! You’ve made the right decision here and I praise you for that! I hope you get better soon and you don’t end up in hospital! Keep blogging and following your dreams! There’s a light at the end of a very dark tunnel and a bad road will always lead to a good one! X

    Liked by 1 person

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