It’s been a while.
I’ve been posting my challenge posts (which I totally failed yesterday, need to post ASAP) and nothing else for almost a week. Can you remember why I said I needed some time? I told you I had a ton of things to take care of, was feeling overwhelmed because I had been so busy and was super behind on blogging. Are those problems solved? Not even close. I’ve been having a hard time because of some family issues and I think I might be dealing with a relapse. I have no energy, my body aches, I can’t find my blogging mojo, I’ve been super anxious and down. I have had to increase my sleeping medication again because I can’t fall asleep on the lowest dose I was taking anymore. The nightmares and cold sweats have been happening. Yesterday I spent the whole day out, taking care of sorting some IRS things and then, when I was about to go get some groceries, I was sucked into a major family drama (through a few calls) and had the biggest panic attack I’ve ever had. It scared the shit out of me. I literally couldn’t breathe or stop hyperventilating and I thought I was going to have a heart attack or something like that. It sounds stupid now but, if you’ve had a big one(panic attack, not heart attack), then you know what I’m talking about. It’s funny how certain things in life just have so much power in you, that they can make you physically sick. I mean the family drama, not the IRS, just to be clear. Though for some people it might. Well, moving on. Things keep piling up and I have no idea how someone who is not currently working can get to busy. The house is on fire with shit to be taken care of, I have a bunch of errands to run and the month is set to be a busy one until the end. Rui has a wedding to attend (thank God I don’t have to go or worry too much about that), we have his brother’s graduation and their parents staying with us, I have my best friend, who I haven’t seen in two years, coming from Austria and that should be emotional for sure. My exams are getting closer and closer and I have yet to start studying. I might have to make some decisions. Should I drop German? I don’t need it to finish. I’m doing it because I want to, and love to. I have no idea.
I’m honestly just feeling like shit right now, dealing with the weight of the world. I was well and happy and then, suddenly, something changed and it has been downhill from there. I’m sorry I can’t tell you what happened, I understand how annoying it is. But it’s not my secret to tell.
I’m sorry about all the negativity. I really am. It annoys me too.
I want to slowly be back. I still have a bunch of posts to catch up on. I’ve been reading them every day, but there are always new ones. So many.
I’ll come back tonight with my challenge posts, day 11 and 12. See you soon?
P.S. At least the pope is here this weekend and we might win Eurovision so…
P.S.S. We might win Eurovision because the song is good, bot because of the pope. Those were separate ideas. Needed to clarify that.