One Month Blogging Challenge – Day 4 (My Family – the girl with no daddy)

Today I’m going to talk to you about my family. That’s today’s topic and maybe one of the hardest for me to write about.

I’ve never had a traditional family. I didn’t have a traditional childhood either.

My mother was sixteen when I was born.

My father was 33. He was abusive, violent, crazy. He used hurt my mother pretty badly, even when she was pregnant with me. I haven’t seen him in a long time, he was never a father to me. I’m no one’s daughter, just my mother’s. I have no idea what it’s like to have a dad and I often wonder about it, especially when I see little girls with their daddies. Life didn’t give me the chance to have one. No man has ever loved me unconditionally. I’m okay with that now, I didn’t use to be. The Father’s Day school parties hurt too much. No one was there for me. I used to write the cards for my grandfather and I was ashamed of it. It was one of the most difficult times of the year for me. Because everybody knew, they could all notice I was the only kid there with no father. It was the 90’s and things were not as easy for different or blended families as they are now. That’s all I will say about this subject. About him. What else could I say anyway? He doesn’t exist. I don’t know him. I just know his name.

His mother used to visit me, when I was very little. My maternal grandmother used to tell me “help your granny go down the stairs” and I would. She was very old. My maternal grandmother was very young. She’s not young now. Nor healthy. My paternal grandmother died at some point, I can’t remember when. I can’t ask my grandmother either, she doesn’t have control of her own mind anymore. One of my grandmothers is long gone, the other is half way there.

My paternal grandfather had already died when I was born. Word is he was a very bad and violent man. My father is the youngest of 6 and they all say their father was a horrible man. Yes, I do know my father’s family. His brothers and sisters and nephews and nieces. They all took an interest in me when I was a teenager. When I no longer needed them. Thank you very much!

My maternal grandparents I do know very well. I lived with them for practically my whole childhood. I lived with them exclusively for 7 years, while my mother was working hard in Germany. My sister and I were here, living with them. It was not easy or happy at all. I loved my grandfather. He had a heart of gold but his liver… the liver of an alcoholic. That’s what he was. An alcoholic. My grandmother is/was not an easy woman. She has always had severe depression, suicidal thoughts and maybe even bipolar disorder but she never sought help. They would fight hard and often. Little me would try to protect and take care of my little sister. There were dark days. He would get home drunk, she would go to bed and cry her eyes out and we would be left to fend for ourselves. It was so lonely. So sad. No one to take care or protect me, my little sister to think of. I was never a child. As a 2-year-old, I fully understood my father was a bad man. No one ever told me, but I would pick up on their conversations.

My childhood was indeed very lonely, very sad and empty. I can still feel that pain today. Most people in my family choose to say I exaggerate. That it wasn’t that bad. Well, I was there.

There were many other things I had to go through with close family members.

  • Drug abuse. At 5 years of age, I already knew about drugs and what they did to people, what kind there were, etc. Every time I saw an ambulance I would think my drug addict family member had died and they were coming for them.
  • Alcoholism. From several family members. And some people wonder why I don’t drink and why I hate alcohol. Just the idea of it makes me feel sick and anxious.
  • Gambling. Yes, At some point, someone thought this was a good idea too.

I was enduring so much while my poor mother  (barely an adult herself) was working her butt off, in a foreign country, thinking we were happy and safe, because we were with her parents. We only told her how things really were a few years later. We were scared and thought that was normal life. The spanking (never by my grandfather, he was incapable of landing a hand on a child, my grandmother? She was incapable of NOT landing a hand on a child. It was the only punishment she knew. That and stop talking to us for days), the poverty (my mother would send money and it would go… elsewhere), the loneliness… Oh, the loneliness.

You wanna know the funny part? My mother worked so hard that she was able to pay for a private school. Imagine being the poorest, fatherless child in a private school. Not a good place to be.

Enough with my sad childhood. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me at all. It could have been worse. There was never real and severe abuse. Some people have gone through that. It could have been worse, right?

Today my family consists of:

My mother – Her name is Isabel. She’s 42. I love that I have such a young mom. She’s funny and supportive and the most positive and optimistic person I know. Even after going through so much. I love her and admire her so much. We are super close and we usually say we are soul mates. I can’t let a day go by without talking to her.

My stepfather – His name is Luiz. He’s Brazilian. He’s 47. He’s the kindest, funniest guy. Every time I call my mother, she always says he misses me. We get along really well. I know he loves us and we love him. He gets a Father’s day card and present. Every single year.

My sister, you know her. I have introduced her too you. She got her own special post. I love her to death, she is my baby, I’m extremely protective of her and I would give my life for her. I’ve been taking care of her my whole life and always will. She hurts, I hurt. She cries, I cry.

Their cat – My mother would kill me if I didn’t mention their cat. His name is Gatsby and it was supposed to be mine. Long story.

My love – You know him too. He’s name is Rui. He’s 26. He’s a computer science engineer and/or systems analyst or whatever. What he really likes is his vegetable garden. And me. He’s the kindest person I know. He has been there for me for so long. I love him so much.

Rosa – You know she’s my dog. I mean, she’s our baby. She will be 2 years old on May, 6!! She needs her own special post. Maybe an interview?

My grandfather’s name was João. He died almost 7 years ago, cancer. He was the kindest and funniest person you could meet. He was crazy about my grandmother. And so was she, although I didn’t think she knew it until he died. That’s when she started to get sick, and now, 7 years later, she’s unrecognizable. Her name is Teresa. I know that, despite being such a difficult and aggressive person, she loved us. I mean, she still does. She might not rule her own mind right now, but her heart is still in the same place.

My mother has two sisters and one brother. She’s the youngest of all. The oldest is not my grandmother’s daughter. My grandfather had been married before. Then my grandparents got married and they had a boy, my uncle. My grandmother’s favorite. No one even questions it, we just know, we always have. The middle child is my aunt Lena. They are my godparents. Then they had my mom.

I love Rui’s side of the family. He has a big family, which I never had. They’re all really nice and funny and have always been so good to me and made me feel at home.

I guess I should stop now? The post is becoming too long!!

 

Don’t forget I’m doing this with Maggie and Angela!! Check her posts as well!!

Thank you, friends

xx

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51 thoughts on “One Month Blogging Challenge – Day 4 (My Family – the girl with no daddy)

  1. Gluecksgeist says:

    Oh Cheila I am so so so so sorry to hear this…. but although you experienced such horrible things I think you became such a strong, kind and amazing woman! You are so supportive and so generous.
    And your baby pictures are so so cute!

    Like

  2. Maggie says:

    Cheila, I can’t put into words how my heart aches for you. But I can say this: The Lord will take care of you when you rely on Him. ❤ He loves you so much and knows all that you've been through. Thank you for sharing the story of your family with us; I liked all the pictures at the end. 🙂

    Like

  3. ignitedmoth says:

    What a great post. Your honesty and openness always amaze me. I’m sorry for the hard things you went through growing up. I’m glad you didn’t let these things leave you jaded like so many people do. You’re such a kind-hearted and friendly person, and I think that’s wonderful. ❤
    Aww, and those photos! Omg, so cute!
    PS- Expect a postcard from Michigan soon! It's going out in tomorrow's mail! 😀 (Not sure how long it will take to reach you, but it's on it's way!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheila says:

      Thank you, Dani!! You’re the sweetest. I think everything that I went through has had a purpose in shaping the person I am today. I try not to hurt people and to be kind because I do know pain. I can’t wait to get it!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Flor says:

    You’re so brave to share this story with us! I often feel like mother’s day/ father’s day are such bullshit. I grew up with my mother being both mom and dad to me and my brother so I understand the feeling. You’re also a really powerful woman having grown up with so many problems and now being you, aware of everything that’s bad and keeping up with that. Your mom is such a Hero! let her know we congratulate her on such a hard life. xx

    https://mateandbizcochitos.com/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheila says:

      Thank you so much, Flor. I’m sorry to hear that you understand what it’s like to be a girl with no daddy!! We don’t deserve it but this is the life we got!! Would love to know your story one day! Thank you so much for your kind words!!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Dippy-Dotty Girl says:

    Family is such a difficult topic. Always. I see what you mean by when you said before about yours. Well you have written it so beautifully. Thank you for sharing with us the painful bits as well. You look real cute in those blast from the past photos. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dee says:

    I love your dedication to your little sister. It is so heartwarming to see. I am not close with any of my siblings. My twin brother and I have vastly different lives and we tolerate each other in the best of times. My 2 step-sisters are adults but I didn’t know them as children and don’t see them now except holidays. I never got the chance to be a sister to my 2 little sisters because I spent 100% of my time being parent/caregiver during our parents’ divorce and Mom’s mental breakdown. I am envious of your relationship. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. iwannabealady says:

    It’s strange to think the sheer number of ways that people are raised, experiences people have. We just never know what people are really struggling with unless we take the time, the effort to get to know and understand them. As a teacher, I appreciate reading this post because it reminds me that while everyone here gets to come to school, not everyone is carrying the same weight. Some children need a bit more. It’s not equal but it’s fair. It reminds me that just because children have no jobs or bills to pay, it doesn’t mean that they are carefree.

    It’s so good to know that you are surrounded with love now. That your mother and sister and Rui are such a close part of your life. We don’t need many people, just a few that are really true. You deserve it, lovely.

    Like

  8. Jodi says:

    Loved reading your story. You had a rough start but you are making the best of it. You have the control now. Make your own good life sweetie. Make it a great one!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. madkatter13 says:

    My darling, those baby pictures!!! 😍 So cute!!! Why!!

    Thank you for sharing your story beautiful. It takes true strength and bravery to put everything out there, typing it out and the feelings that can come with forming the thoughts.

    You are so strong! Even from a very young age, you were the protector and had the heart of gold. Your walk in life is admirable, to come out on the other side when it could be easy to turn cold or fall to other vices that you were surrounded by.

    I love you dear friend, I wish I could take the pain away but I’m happy you have a good, loving and supportive family now. Enjoy it my love, you deserve it! I’m always here too ♥️♥️♥️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheila says:

      You’re the sweetest and the best of friends!! Thank you so much for your kind words. You inspired me to share my story, it fit the challenge, it was perfect!! Love you back, my dear!!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Natalie Vinh says:

    I am sorry to hear that you did not have the best childhood, but I’m happy to know that you have a loving and supportive family now!

    Like

  11. comfykittea says:

    So after first reading part 2, I finally understand the whole story. It was a very intense read….I can’t find the right words at the moment…but I’m glad that Mr R is there and that you found your place after that rough childhood. By the way, I would love to hear more about Gatsby and Rosa 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheila says:

      You’re sweet!! It’s a little intense, isn’t it? I was afraid to publish, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. Not at all. I just want to share my story. Maybe others will feel that it is okay to do the same?

      Liked by 1 person

      • comfykittea says:

        Well, your readers can see that you are now in a loving and supportive environment, which makes it a little easier to digest. But what’s wrong with being an empathic person? Of course reading about a child having to go through these hardships would make anyone feel sad. And I think that’s okay and normal, if I may say so. And it’s good to write things down…it clears your mind! Maybe others will feel encouraged to do the same! It takes courage.

        Like

  12. 3sistersabroad says:

    Again thank you for sharing. I am so glad your mother now has a wonderful man in her life and you have wonderful parents. Parents do not need to be of blood, its about how they treat you and love you. Happy Birthday to your beloved Rosa…its the 6th here in Australia so Rosa gets 48 hours of birthday xx. My daughters had their father in their life for a while. Perhaps they shouldn’t have. He wasn’t a nice person. Something I won’t go into on here. He never laid a hand on me but the day he raised his hand at me, and I saw my girls trying to hide, one under the coffee table, i vowed to leave him. It took a few months. My eldest hated me for a very long time that I broke up the “loving family unit” I found out some awful things about my ex and her dad once we left. But this isn’t about me or my girls. I think your past has made you a very strong and caring person. xxx

    Like

  13. Lee says:

    Wow this is yet another thing we have so much in common about. Our life stories are pretty much the same with different little tweaks here and there. It’s official we’re like soul sisters or something. I don’t know how I didn’t catch this one when you first posted it but I’m glad to finally read it and know a little more about you and why you’re so loving and caring. And why you’re protective of your sister. You and your mom now have great men in your lives. You have a strong family, all of you had a difficult time but things are getting better. That’s what matters💕 btw, you’ve been beautiful your whole life! Lovely pictures💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheila says:

      You’re so sweet. Yes, we are definitely soul sisters. That’s why we love and understand each other. I’m better now but do you know what I remember the most about growing up? Being alone. Crying myself to sleep. It has happened so many times. It was my reality

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lee says:

        Those nights are the worst! Without a mother or father to comfort you or anyone really. I remember those nights so vividly myself. Especially when I was in foster care, I was the only girl so I had a whole room to myself upstairs, it was scary since I was only 4 or 5 and I experience sleep paralysis often, which at the time I didn’t know what exactly was going on but now that I’m older and know about sleep paralysis I’m quite sure that’s what was happening. Have you ever experienced that? I’ve always been interested in others experiences with it. I may do a post one day.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Cheila says:

          Nope, I haven’t. I was, for a while, hypochondriac. I would here someone talk about cancer or other diseases and I would think I had and it was sure I was gonna die. I was so afraid to go to bed, so I would sit in the hallway, where I could see the light in the living room, where my uncle was watching TV. I felt somewhat safer but I really thought I was gonna die soon. I must have been about 6 or 7 years old

          Like

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