About the weekend + the shitty week + heartbreak

Hey guys,

Happy Tuesday. Better than Monday right? Well, not for me. I’m having the shittiest week and yes, I know the whole week will be shitty and it’s only Tuesday.

I had THE WORST day yesterday. I can’t really get into details for privacy reasons (not mine, I’m not exactly a private person). Family issues just suck in general but even more so when someone you’re close to and someone you’ve known for your whole life and done EVERYTHING for, turns out to be very different than the person you thought you knew. Man, it hurts all over. I’ve cried my eyes out, missed work and am pretty sure I’m going to have a relapse. I thought I already knew all kinds of suffering and pain but, it turns out, there’s always a bigger, deeper one. Shit, how can I describe how much it hurts? I’m sure you all love someone with every fiber of your being. You know the feeling, right? Imagine you suddenly having reasons to doubt they love you as unconditionally as you love them. It’s life changing. It’s physically painful. They say you can’t break a broken heart but, trust me, you can. Over and over. I’m sorry I’m being so secretive, I know it’s annoying but I need to vent.

You know what’s funny? Even thought they have hurt you so deeply, you still feel bad for every little bit you might have hurt them. This person I’m talking about, I slapped them yesterday. Twice. Yes, me. I can be a bitch. They’ve hurt me so bad and I feel like the devil for those two slaps. I feel like I’ve slapped my soul. That’s how much I love them. Damn, I can’t seem to catch a fucking break.

Anyway, life goes on, I guess. I’m off to work now, there’s laundry to be done. I eat, shower, just like every day. It just hurts to work, eat and shower.


Let’s just get over the depressing and try to talk about normal stuff for a while, shall we? I’ll do a weekend to-do list update. Don’t expect much, we were pretty lazy.

1 PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND:

Things I must not forget:

• To drink my 1.5 to 2 l of water;

Yes.

• To eat my fruits and veggies;

Yes.

• To take my pills on time;

Yes.

• To make sure I take at least 10.000 steps. (I only aim for 5.000 on the days when I work out)

No.

• Remember to insert all of this information in my health app (including meals), which is the best thing I’ve been using ever. Lifesum

Yes.

• Go and get my eyebrows done (for crying out loud)

No.

• Cut my hair, my ends are very dry and thin.

No.

• Shaving. I’m in a public pool several times a week, they don’t need to endure hairy legs, armpits and lady bits. (I rhymed)

No.

Self-care things I would like to do:

• A green clay mask, as I haven’t done one in God knows how long.

No.

• Take 2 big nature walks with the mister and the little four-legged lady. (Probably not gonna happen, being honest here)

No.

• Do my favorite yoga routine before bed, I’ve been waking up about 3 times each night.

No.

• Do some kind of foot scrub.

No.

• Apply some clear nail polish on my nails so I won’t bite them.

No.

Things we actually need to do:

• Finish tidying up the house. We have moved the furniture we intended to, which means Rui’s desk is in the living room and I have an office space in our bedroom. Our former office is now a “closet” (Our wardrobe, shoes, bags, coats are in there) and a guest bedroom. When you make such drastic changes, objects need to be moved as well, so there are lots of clothes and random objects that need to be put away.

Kind of.

• Laundry. Besides our regular laundry, we have a few blankets, pillows and clothes for my pregnant friend that need to be washed, as well as a few sheets. We also have a ton to put away.

Yes.

• Clean the kitchen.

Kind of.

• Do some general cleaning around the house. (I’ll tell you what we got done when I do my update on Sunday)

Kind of.

• I need to move some of my plants inside because they don’t seem to like the cold and rain.

Yes.

• Rosa NEEDS to go to the vet.

No.

• We need to cook and prep for the week ahead.

Yes.

• I want to read some blogs.

Yes.

• I want to get my planner ready for the week (would you like to take a peek at my planner?)

No.

How was your weekend, people?

Hugs.

Chey.

Health for days journey – June 21th (update)

Hey everyone!!

Back home just now. Mom’s birthday was nice, just me and Rui and her and my stepdad and my sister. We had dinner and cake and I got to spend some time with sweet kitty Daisy. She’s just the sweetest thing. Goes to everyone, is not scared of people she doesn’t know, plays with everyone all the time.

Expect when she slapped me. With her little sharp nails. I have a little mark and all but I don’t think she meant it, my face was just in the wrong place.

Gatsby bit Rui though. And I think he meant it because he’s kind of shady (Gatsby, not Rui). He has bite marks and all. You pet him and he bites you in return. But my mom says he’s the sweetest cat.

My therapy appointment went really well too. My therapist is really sweet and supportive. I know you’ll say it’s her job but I’ve had about 4 different ones before her and they weren’t like that.

I bought my mom a maxi dress (she loves them) and a kitty coin purse, because she’s a crazy cat lady.

I guess that’s about it. Now I’ll show you some random pictures.

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Sister selfie. No makeup today
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View from their apartment
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View from their apartment (2)
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View looking down
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My sister’s bed. She’s 21
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Book I’m almost finishing
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Me with sweet Daisy. I just couldn’t put her down
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She loves kisses
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I pet her, she pets me
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Her sweet face 
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Shoes I bought today for 5€
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Third room in the apartment (second biggest), once my room, now storage/cat room
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Gatsby ignoring me
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Cutie again

 

That’s it for today, guys!

Sometimes I think I would like to take better pictures for you guys, but I don’t get out of the house much, currently, so I just show you little snaps from my daily life. Nothing exciting or too interesting but I’m happy I’m taking more pictures now anyway.

Thank you so much for reading, see you tomorrow ❤

Chey

Health for days journey – June 21st (It’s mom’s birthday edition)

I don’t have a to-do list for today.

It’s my mom’s 42nd birthday and I am going to spend time with her and my family.

I have a therapy appointment that I need to get to and I still need to buy her a present.

I’m also going to meet her kitten Daisy for the first time 🙂

It’ll be a very chill day, my people.

Please pray that I don’t melt, the city is so hot.

See you later, dear friends.

xx

Mom and Stepdad on their wedding day, 6 years ago!  She wore…pink!!

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Health for days journey – May 5th (I didn’t know they made lavender tea edition)

Hello there, my dearest people (I’m in dictator mode)

Are you happy it’s Friday? I bet you are!!

Since I’m home, the days of the week don’t matter that much, since I have the whole week to myself and the whole Mr. R to myself on weekends. This is actually bullshit, we’ve been together over 4 years, we spend a lot of time together but each of us doing their own shit. So, when I say I have him all to myself, it means that he is available if I want to bug him. In reality, I’m probably blogging and he’s probably planting pumpkin seeds or something. Then we remember each other, and decide to hang out or watch a movie. Or go grocery shopping, if I bother him enough.

Anyways, enough with the Friday talk.

Do you have plans for the weekend? I would love to know them.

Tomorrow Rui and his friend are going to work on his car, some kind of inspection preparation? No idea. They just do it themselves instead of going to the shop. When I met him he didn’t know  shit about cars. He didn’t even know how to ride the subway (true story – maybe another day) and now he’s like this car geek. Since he bought the car he has learned so much about it and how to do the maintenance himself. That’s just who he is. He has an engineering mind. He NEEDS to know how stuff works. He does research and looks for information and learns how to do things. He knows so much about cars and parts and how an engine works. It amazes me every time the subject comes up. And I don’t even know how to ride a bike (true story – maybe another day). Again, lets stop praising the beautiful and amazing qualities of my man and focus on the subject at hands, which is telling you my weekend plans.

So tomorrow they are going to work on their cars and then we are having lunch with his friend, wife and two boys. I’m sure it will be fun, you know how much I love kids. After lunch I’m coming home and Rui is coming to his parents house, to spend mother’s day, which is this Sunday. I was supposed to spend the night at my parents but we have Rosa and we are still deciding if she goes to the doggy hotel or if I stay with her and go to my mom’s house on Sunday morning, by bus. I’ve been begging mother to let me take Rosa but she says it will bother her cat (because he’s such a lord), that she will shit everywhere (she won’t, she’s house trained) or that she will not behave. Okay, mom. Drama queen. I don’t want to distress her idiot cat so it might not be a good idea to take Rosa. Also, my mom, sis and I (stepdad is working, rest of the family is crazy) will probably go out to lunch on Sunday and Rosa would have to be closed up in a room, so she doesn’t eat my mother’s super pussy cat (he’s afraid of his own shadow). Let’s see what we decide tonight.

So, these are my plans for the weekend. What are yours? Tell me. I’m always curious and I love to know what you’re up to. I’m excited that Rui is going to bringing me perfect raw organic honey that my sweet (as honey, ha) mother-in-law has been saving for me. The store bough sugary shit is really… shitty.

I’m in a tea mood today. No coffee. No milk. Tea. More exactly Melissa and lavender tea. Let me tell you, I had no idea they made lavender tea.

I have such a huge, one-sided headache. Not sinusitis related, thank God. Those are miserable. This one is big but bearable. If it gets too bad I drink a shot of espresso and it goes away. I always avoid taking medication for anything because, well, I think I take enough already. And I HATE medication. Just knowing the shit I’m putting into my body… makes me nervous. But my brain likes it and my brain chemistry loves it so… as long as it’s helpful and making me better I’m going to take it. Anything to heal.

Do I have a to-do list? Of course I do. I always have one.

  • Water my desk and bathroom plants. I mean my desk plants, not the desk itself, I’m not sure I made that clear. Again… water the plants that I have on my desk and the plant that I have on my bathroom. Better? Thought so.
  • Put away the huge pile of laundry that I have (finally) folded. Some of it has been sitting on my bedroom rug (I have no shame, do I?) since before Easter;
  • Put away the dishes that I washed a couple of days ago and that are definitely dry. Wash the dirty ones. There aren’t many, so it must be quick;
  • Vacuum the living room floor. Either that or convince Mr. R to do it. I hate vacuuming. Give me a room full or laundry or dishes or 30 rooms to dust but 1 small room to vacuum and I lose my shit;
  • Wash all the floors with bleach. Yes, I like to do that once in a while. I get a mop and a bucket and I use bleach instead of floor cleaner.
  • Make my bed; I have changed the sheets yesterday but I have yet to make it today; I should do it immediately after I wake up, I know. But what if I want to go back? Okay…
  • Answer a few emails and texts and I’m not used to do this anymore. When I had my business I had texts and emails and Facebook messenger and Whatsapp booming all day long. Maybe that’s why I’m crazy.
  • Pack Rui’s bag for his little trip. No, he’s not dumb or useless and he’s perfectly capable of packing for himself but I like to do it for him. I always know where things are. I think it’s better to pack already instead of waiting for him to do it while asking me “have you seen x?”, “have you seen y”. What is up with men? It’s like they don’t even live at home. We always know where our shit is (and theirs).
  • Keep gathering the materials for my studying sessions;
  • Go and pick up some lemons from the tree!

So far I’m in the same good, but not great mood has I have been this whole week. I have no appetite and keep losing weight. You know that losing weight is not my priority at all. I know I’m fat but what I want to focus now is my health and to put good foods and nutrients into my body. Those who look at me and say “Wow, she used to be so much thinner” can go fuck themselves. Pardon my French. I’m talking like a truck driver today. No offense to truck drivers.

I know why I am like this. Not motivated at all and super slow and kind of sad. That family member I told you about. They are suffering. And I suffer through them. That’s just me. I get stuck on thing until they are solved and my loved one is no longer suffering. Rui says I cannot function like a normal person when I’m worried about someone I love and he might be right. I just absorb the sadness and pain. I want to focus on myself and take care of me but I can’t help it.

Anyway, see you tonight!!

xx

**Useful information: You can find the word “Shit” 8 times in this post.

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Did you go back to check??

Love.

Cheila

One Month Blogging Challenge – Day 4 (My Family – the girl with no daddy)

Today I’m going to talk to you about my family. That’s today’s topic and maybe one of the hardest for me to write about.

I’ve never had a traditional family. I didn’t have a traditional childhood either.

My mother was sixteen when I was born.

My father was 33. He was abusive, violent, crazy. He used hurt my mother pretty badly, even when she was pregnant with me. I haven’t seen him in a long time, he was never a father to me. I’m no one’s daughter, just my mother’s. I have no idea what it’s like to have a dad and I often wonder about it, especially when I see little girls with their daddies. Life didn’t give me the chance to have one. No man has ever loved me unconditionally. I’m okay with that now, I didn’t use to be. The Father’s Day school parties hurt too much. No one was there for me. I used to write the cards for my grandfather and I was ashamed of it. It was one of the most difficult times of the year for me. Because everybody knew, they could all notice I was the only kid there with no father. It was the 90’s and things were not as easy for different or blended families as they are now. That’s all I will say about this subject. About him. What else could I say anyway? He doesn’t exist. I don’t know him. I just know his name.

His mother used to visit me, when I was very little. My maternal grandmother used to tell me “help your granny go down the stairs” and I would. She was very old. My maternal grandmother was very young. She’s not young now. Nor healthy. My paternal grandmother died at some point, I can’t remember when. I can’t ask my grandmother either, she doesn’t have control of her own mind anymore. One of my grandmothers is long gone, the other is half way there.

My paternal grandfather had already died when I was born. Word is he was a very bad and violent man. My father is the youngest of 6 and they all say their father was a horrible man. Yes, I do know my father’s family. His brothers and sisters and nephews and nieces. They all took an interest in me when I was a teenager. When I no longer needed them. Thank you very much!

My maternal grandparents I do know very well. I lived with them for practically my whole childhood. I lived with them exclusively for 7 years, while my mother was working hard in Germany. My sister and I were here, living with them. It was not easy or happy at all. I loved my grandfather. He had a heart of gold but his liver… the liver of an alcoholic. That’s what he was. An alcoholic. My grandmother is/was not an easy woman. She has always had severe depression, suicidal thoughts and maybe even bipolar disorder but she never sought help. They would fight hard and often. Little me would try to protect and take care of my little sister. There were dark days. He would get home drunk, she would go to bed and cry her eyes out and we would be left to fend for ourselves. It was so lonely. So sad. No one to take care or protect me, my little sister to think of. I was never a child. As a 2-year-old, I fully understood my father was a bad man. No one ever told me, but I would pick up on their conversations.

My childhood was indeed very lonely, very sad and empty. I can still feel that pain today. Most people in my family choose to say I exaggerate. That it wasn’t that bad. Well, I was there.

There were many other things I had to go through with close family members.

  • Drug abuse. At 5 years of age, I already knew about drugs and what they did to people, what kind there were, etc. Every time I saw an ambulance I would think my drug addict family member had died and they were coming for them.
  • Alcoholism. From several family members. And some people wonder why I don’t drink and why I hate alcohol. Just the idea of it makes me feel sick and anxious.
  • Gambling. Yes, At some point, someone thought this was a good idea too.

I was enduring so much while my poor mother  (barely an adult herself) was working her butt off, in a foreign country, thinking we were happy and safe, because we were with her parents. We only told her how things really were a few years later. We were scared and thought that was normal life. The spanking (never by my grandfather, he was incapable of landing a hand on a child, my grandmother? She was incapable of NOT landing a hand on a child. It was the only punishment she knew. That and stop talking to us for days), the poverty (my mother would send money and it would go… elsewhere), the loneliness… Oh, the loneliness.

You wanna know the funny part? My mother worked so hard that she was able to pay for a private school. Imagine being the poorest, fatherless child in a private school. Not a good place to be.

Enough with my sad childhood. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me at all. It could have been worse. There was never real and severe abuse. Some people have gone through that. It could have been worse, right?

Today my family consists of:

My mother – Her name is Isabel. She’s 42. I love that I have such a young mom. She’s funny and supportive and the most positive and optimistic person I know. Even after going through so much. I love her and admire her so much. We are super close and we usually say we are soul mates. I can’t let a day go by without talking to her.

My stepfather – His name is Luiz. He’s Brazilian. He’s 47. He’s the kindest, funniest guy. Every time I call my mother, she always says he misses me. We get along really well. I know he loves us and we love him. He gets a Father’s day card and present. Every single year.

My sister, you know her. I have introduced her too you. She got her own special post. I love her to death, she is my baby, I’m extremely protective of her and I would give my life for her. I’ve been taking care of her my whole life and always will. She hurts, I hurt. She cries, I cry.

Their cat – My mother would kill me if I didn’t mention their cat. His name is Gatsby and it was supposed to be mine. Long story.

My love – You know him too. He’s name is Rui. He’s 26. He’s a computer science engineer and/or systems analyst or whatever. What he really likes is his vegetable garden. And me. He’s the kindest person I know. He has been there for me for so long. I love him so much.

Rosa – You know she’s my dog. I mean, she’s our baby. She will be 2 years old on May, 6!! She needs her own special post. Maybe an interview?

My grandfather’s name was João. He died almost 7 years ago, cancer. He was the kindest and funniest person you could meet. He was crazy about my grandmother. And so was she, although I didn’t think she knew it until he died. That’s when she started to get sick, and now, 7 years later, she’s unrecognizable. Her name is Teresa. I know that, despite being such a difficult and aggressive person, she loved us. I mean, she still does. She might not rule her own mind right now, but her heart is still in the same place.

My mother has two sisters and one brother. She’s the youngest of all. The oldest is not my grandmother’s daughter. My grandfather had been married before. Then my grandparents got married and they had a boy, my uncle. My grandmother’s favorite. No one even questions it, we just know, we always have. The middle child is my aunt Lena. They are my godparents. Then they had my mom.

I love Rui’s side of the family. He has a big family, which I never had. They’re all really nice and funny and have always been so good to me and made me feel at home.

I guess I should stop now? The post is becoming too long!!

 

Don’t forget I’m doing this with Maggie and Angela!! Check her posts as well!!

Thank you, friends

xx

Meet Neide – Interviewing my baby sister

I thought you might like to get to know my sister a little better, since I always talk about her on the blog. I asked her a couple of questions as she sad she was happy to be featured on a post!! Shall we make introductions?

  • What’s your name?

Neide (pronounced Nayd)

  • Do you have a middle name?

Sara

  • How old are you?

I’m 21 years old.

  • When is your birthday?

December, 17th.

  • What do you study?

European Studies. First year.

  • What’s your job?

I work as a cashier at a supermarket, 16 hours a week. It’s actually a famous chain in Europe. Lidl. Do you know it?

  • What’s favorite color?

Blue.

  • What’s your favorite food?

I’m crazy about strawberries and hamburgers. 

  • What’s your favorite drink?

Coffee.

  • How do you drink your coffee?

Espresso. Full. With sugar. I used to drink 3-4 a day but I have limited myself to one, as I was getting addicted and poor lol

  • What’s your favorite book?

The Great Gatsby (just like my sister) and My best friend’s girl, by Dorothy Koomson. My sister loves this one as well. 

  • What’s your favorite movie?

I love Titanic and The notebook. (Rui just yelled “really??” from the kitchen)

  • What’s your favorite TV show?

Friends, Sex and the city and Once Upon a Time.

  • What’s your favorite piece of clothing?

Dresses!

  • What’s your favorite accessory?

Necklaces.

  • Shoes or handbags?

Shoes.

  • Favorite place to shop?

H&m, Claire’s and Primark.

  • What’s your makeup routine?

Some eye shadow (browns and golden), mascara and sometimes lipstick. Very simple! I don’t like to wear a lot of makeup and I hate eyeliner and foundation. I hate when I see someone wearing a ton of foundation while their face doesn’t match their neck. 

  • Do you have any pets?

A cat. Gatsby. And I love Rosa.

  • What would you like to do in the future?

Work in the European Parliament. What a dream!

  • What’s your dream trip?

I would like to travel through Europe or The USA.

  • What’s your favorite social media plattform?

Twitter.

  • What can’t you leave your house without?

Clothes. hahaha! My headphones. 

  • Are you a morning person or a night person?

It depends. Let me think. My day is ruined if I wake up late and I prefer to study in the morning. But I think nights are more romantic. A little of both.

  • What’s your worst habit?

Forgetting to drink water!!

  • What’s your best habbit?

Showering hahaha. 

  • Do you play any sports?

No. I have tried to start running but it’s very rare.

  • Favorite artists/bands?

I like Taylor Swift, John Legend and Fifth Harmony. 

  • Who do you admire?

My mother, my sister, my brother-in-law, my boyfriend and my “History of Political Ideas” professor!

  • What was your favorite subject in school?

Literatute.

  • What is your favorite course now?

“Introduction to Economics”

  • What’s your biggest dream?

Get married and stay married for life!

 

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Isn’t she super cute and sweet and romantic? I just love her so much!!

Does she look like me?

I know she’s much thinner but people say we look-alike!!

We both look like our mother, so we must look like each other, right?

I hope you like this little interview!!

xx