Question of the Day #25

What’s your experience with mental illness?

Does anyone in your family suffer from such issues?

Do you deal with any mental health problems?

Would you like to share about your experiences?

❤️❤️❤️

Bloggers Talk About Mental Health Support Group on Facebook – Will you join us?

Bloggers Talk About Mental Health Support Group

Hello Fellow Bloggers,

I have been talking about my struggles with anxiety, depression and ,possibly, Bipolar Disorder Type II since I started this blog a year ago. I was never ashamed to put it out there. I mean, I’m lying. I was NO LONGER ashamed to put it out there. There was a lot of shame once.

There was also loneliness.

That is why I decided to start this Facebook group where we can all talk, support each other, vent, complain, share experiences and frustrations, all with people who DO understand.

I know many of you struggle with mental health issues as well, so I thought we could all be together in this. Will you be my shoulder to cry on? I will be very happy to be yours.

Look for the group, share with your friends who needed us as well.

Love you all.

Chey.

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I have Great News!!

Everyone,

I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday and she said I looked like a different person. She said I’m so much better and that she was very happy to see me. She reduced my medication and so I’m no longer on Bupropion and Mexazolam, which I have been taking for the longest time.

I’m just so happy about this.

It’s the first time I’ve seen a real improvement and reduction on my medication, after years of increasing it, changing it, trial and error. I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression since I was 18. I was diagnosed and first medicated at 22. I’ve been through 2 psychiatrists, 5 therapists and I know 75% of antidepressants, mood stabilizers and anti anxiety pills on the market.

I wish I didn’t have so much information. But since I do, I need to make sure I share it with others. And I promise you I’ll do that. For those of you who are still struggling, I’ll share my detailed experience and do my best to help.

Today, I just want to tell you it’s possible to get better. I’m not cured and I don’t know when/if I’ll ever be, but I’m finally so much better.

Trust me, I have seen the darkest side of life. I’ve felt it. I’ve lived with a huge cloud over my head for years. I’ve been through life carrying a backpack full of rocks for way too long. I’ve hated myself, everyone else, life itself. Everything has seemed pointless. Everyone has looked like an enemy. Death has been a wish.

I know it’s difficult and sometimes unfair/hard to compare, but I can tell you I had one of the most serious and difficult cases of clinical depression. I know quite a few people who have suffered from depression and they all got better so much easily, faster, sooner. That was frustrating and I would get angry because I seemed to have it worse than everyone else. I actually did. Years of extreme stress, heartbreak, responsibilities, growing up too fast, taking care of others, being strong for them, a bad childhood, among other things had collapsed on me, so I was dealing with 20 something years worth of trauma, damage, exhaustion. I wasn’t having an episode of depression. I was having THE episode of depression I had been holding inside me forever. It hit me hard, with no mercy.

God knows how much I’ve been through because of my mental health.

God knows how much Rui has been through because of it.

That guy is a saint.

I don’t say this because I love him, I say this because I know him. He is a rock. He’ll take care of you, provide you with whatever you need, comfort you, be there for you emotionally, know how to handle an anxiety attack, do extensive research on all of your medications, make sure you take care of yourself, cook for you, clean for you, understand when you simply cannot get out of bed, cuddle you, give you hope, say you’re beautiful when you’ve put on 60 pounds, make you laugh when you really want to cry, protect you, tell you you’ll find the best possible doctor and care, no matter how much you’ll have to spend or how you’re going to find the money for, do his best to make you smile, be your shoulder to cry on, defend you, tell people who think “depression is in your head” they’re fucking idiots and ignorants who should go and get some information, be your mother’s best friend, your sister’s big brother, be there for your appointments, get you the things you like because they’ll make you a little happy, get really angry at you because you don’t eat properly, be your absolute best friend, caretaker, boyfriend, husband, lover, confidant, partner, fan, the one who makes up for whatever is missing.

I think everyone should have someone like Rui in their lives.

We’ve been through thick and thin and we’re still together. We’ve really been through some real “grown up” problems for the past 5 years we’ve been together. There was never cheating, jealousy, cellphone checking, lying, issues with exes. We’ve been dealing with real, hard, old married couple problems since we were about 22 and 22, up until now. I guess we’ve passed the test.

What I really want to say is, I’m not cured. I may never be. I don’t mind really, as long as I have the proper care. But today, finally, I can say that I am far BETTER. Better is a beautiful word. So I’m happy about better. Better is more than enough.

Thank you for everything, guys.

If you’re going through a similar journey, we’re together. Talk to me. Let me be there for you.

Daily Planner and Journal – 05.02.2018: Trying to bring it back (about 8 hours late) + weekend

Good afternoon guys,

How are you facing Monday?

It’s a hard one right?

• Hangover from drinking while watching Super Bowl?
• Depressed because of THAT This is Us episode?
• Shocked/ecstatic because Kylie Jenner has given birth?
• All of the above?

Right.

May your coffee be strong and your chocolate be plenty.

I’m actually fine. I don’t care for the Super Bowl, I haven’t watched THAT episode yet (Lord help me) and I’ve been googling “Kylie Jenner pregnant” every day since September, waiting for news so I’m pretty satisfied. I’m not joking about the google part.

I really want to go back to my early morning planning and before bed journaling and update on how my day went and how I tackled my to-do list. I know you guys enjoy it and I feel more organized when I do so.

I would like the planning to be published at about 8 a.m and the update to go up at about 8 p.m. it would be nice to have somewhat of a schedule. I hope I can pull it off.

About the weekend: I did nothing. I was expecting it so I am fine with it. I needed a break. For real.

I have this huge freelance writing project to finish until the end of the week so I’m working on that.

I’m so much better than last week, thankfully.

See you soon, guys.

❤️

About the weekend + the shitty week + heartbreak

Hey guys,

Happy Tuesday. Better than Monday right? Well, not for me. I’m having the shittiest week and yes, I know the whole week will be shitty and it’s only Tuesday.

I had THE WORST day yesterday. I can’t really get into details for privacy reasons (not mine, I’m not exactly a private person). Family issues just suck in general but even more so when someone you’re close to and someone you’ve known for your whole life and done EVERYTHING for, turns out to be very different than the person you thought you knew. Man, it hurts all over. I’ve cried my eyes out, missed work and am pretty sure I’m going to have a relapse. I thought I already knew all kinds of suffering and pain but, it turns out, there’s always a bigger, deeper one. Shit, how can I describe how much it hurts? I’m sure you all love someone with every fiber of your being. You know the feeling, right? Imagine you suddenly having reasons to doubt they love you as unconditionally as you love them. It’s life changing. It’s physically painful. They say you can’t break a broken heart but, trust me, you can. Over and over. I’m sorry I’m being so secretive, I know it’s annoying but I need to vent.

You know what’s funny? Even thought they have hurt you so deeply, you still feel bad for every little bit you might have hurt them. This person I’m talking about, I slapped them yesterday. Twice. Yes, me. I can be a bitch. They’ve hurt me so bad and I feel like the devil for those two slaps. I feel like I’ve slapped my soul. That’s how much I love them. Damn, I can’t seem to catch a fucking break.

Anyway, life goes on, I guess. I’m off to work now, there’s laundry to be done. I eat, shower, just like every day. It just hurts to work, eat and shower.

---

Let’s just get over the depressing and try to talk about normal stuff for a while, shall we? I’ll do a weekend to-do list update. Don’t expect much, we were pretty lazy.

1 PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND:

Things I must not forget:

• To drink my 1.5 to 2 l of water;

Yes.

• To eat my fruits and veggies;

Yes.

• To take my pills on time;

Yes.

• To make sure I take at least 10.000 steps. (I only aim for 5.000 on the days when I work out)

No.

• Remember to insert all of this information in my health app (including meals), which is the best thing I’ve been using ever. Lifesum

Yes.

• Go and get my eyebrows done (for crying out loud)

No.

• Cut my hair, my ends are very dry and thin.

No.

• Shaving. I’m in a public pool several times a week, they don’t need to endure hairy legs, armpits and lady bits. (I rhymed)

No.

Self-care things I would like to do:

• A green clay mask, as I haven’t done one in God knows how long.

No.

• Take 2 big nature walks with the mister and the little four-legged lady. (Probably not gonna happen, being honest here)

No.

• Do my favorite yoga routine before bed, I’ve been waking up about 3 times each night.

No.

• Do some kind of foot scrub.

No.

• Apply some clear nail polish on my nails so I won’t bite them.

No.

Things we actually need to do:

• Finish tidying up the house. We have moved the furniture we intended to, which means Rui’s desk is in the living room and I have an office space in our bedroom. Our former office is now a “closet” (Our wardrobe, shoes, bags, coats are in there) and a guest bedroom. When you make such drastic changes, objects need to be moved as well, so there are lots of clothes and random objects that need to be put away.

Kind of.

• Laundry. Besides our regular laundry, we have a few blankets, pillows and clothes for my pregnant friend that need to be washed, as well as a few sheets. We also have a ton to put away.

Yes.

• Clean the kitchen.

Kind of.

• Do some general cleaning around the house. (I’ll tell you what we got done when I do my update on Sunday)

Kind of.

• I need to move some of my plants inside because they don’t seem to like the cold and rain.

Yes.

• Rosa NEEDS to go to the vet.

No.

• We need to cook and prep for the week ahead.

Yes.

• I want to read some blogs.

Yes.

• I want to get my planner ready for the week (would you like to take a peek at my planner?)

No.

How was your weekend, people?

Hugs.

Chey.

“I’ve been away for 15 days” Update – Health 27.11.2017

Hey there everyone,

Do you still remember me? I know, I haven’t posted in about half a month.

I’ve been both busy and lazy and those are my reasons.

Since we haven’t talked for so long, I decided an update might be interesting, if you’re like me and like to know what people are up to. Or just so you know I’m not dead.

So, I’ll divide this update into categories, which will be published on different days.

Health:

• I’ve been mostly feeling well, when it comes to my mental health. A few things give me anxiety, especially the students, when they are being difficult, but that’s just normal, every day stress.
• I got the results for my CT scans and had an appointment with an orthopedist and my back are fine! The doctor I consulted before said it was really bad and that I should schedule an appointment with a neurosurgeon. Crazy woman. I don’t have any significant back problems, just bad posture, sitting for long hours and having weak back muscles. I haven’t had any complains since I began going to my water aerobics classes almost every day.
• I’ve been drinking a very healthy amount of water. I get to 2 l on most days and I can drink even more on others. I think this is actually causing 2 issues: 1) My liquid retention is bad. 2) I can’t seem to hold my pee. Oh yeah, I’m mentioning my urinary issues on the internet. Maybe some of you have been there? I suddenly feel a very strong urge to pee and feel like I’m almost peeing my pants, which does happen some times. I mean, I don’t pee my pants, I just let out a few drops. This is new to me and very strange. I’m 26. Isn’t that too young to be incontinent?
• My period was 48 days late. No, I’m NOT pregnant. No, I don’t have ANY health issues. It was just on vacation, I guess?
• I’ve been eating somewhat right and in small amounts. I write down everything I eat using an app and I don’t even get to 2000 calories most days and always get the “You’re not eating enough” notification. Yet, I’ve gained weight. I’m currently at 93.2 kg. Funny thing is I’ve been walking more than ever (aiming for at least 10.000 steps each day) and I’ve been doing water aerobics and swimming almost every day of the week. It is very strange and discouraging. Maybe it gets worse before it gets better?

I’ve been track every single thing health-wise. I use several apps. Do you have a food or exercise journal? Pedometer? Do you track your calories or sleep?

This app, Flo is just perfect for women. You can track your whole cycle, so you know when your period is coming or if you are ovulating (for those trying to get pregnant. There’s also a “pregnancy mode”), your cervical mucus, symptoms of PMS, you’re sexual activity (again, for those trying to get pregnant or if you just want to know what you’ve been up to), your weight, your sleep, your physical activity (through another app), your steps, your calorie intake (again, through another app), your weight and your water intake. There’s also a community, meaning users can actually comment on different articles and topics and share experiences and problems. It’s just a really good app and I recommend it for sure.

Now, tell me about your health:

Is everything okay?

Do you track your health data?

Do you have any good health tips?

Are you good at taking care of yourself?

Do share!!

Thank you so much for reading!

 

 

Day by Day – Health Journey (25.07.17)

Hey there my friends,

How is everyone? Is everything okay? Are you happy? I would love to know.

You may have noticed that the tittle seems odd. Different than “Health for Days Journey”. Well, that’s because I decided to do a little change. Instead of counting the days, I will tell you how I feel, each and every day, knowing that tomorrow is another day and that there’s always hope. It gives me peace to think of things slowly and day by day now, because that’s just my life. A mixture of good and bad days, a wave of white, black and grey, an intense adventure within my mind.

So, this is how we do it now.

I’ll obviously keep with my lists and tasks, but I’ll never feel bad for not doing them. I’ll listen to my body and understand when I I’m perfectly capable of putting in 8 hours of solid work or when I need to just stop and have a mental health day. Literally. When my mental health doesn’t allow me to do much, I’ll accept it. I’ll do something I want, something fun, instead of pushing myself. I’ll be good to me.

Let me tell you what I have for an update…

I’m still waiting for an answer from that job proposal. The lady said she would contact me at the beginning of the week. I’ll wait until tomorrow and then I’m calling. Do you do that after an interview? Call back if you don’t hear from them after a certain amount of time? I do.

I’ve been looking for and have a couple of proposals going on for online writing/virtual assistant work, which I’m excited about. I miss working and I love working from home and doing this kind of “computer/desk” work. I’m waiting on a final, detailed proposal from both of these projects. I won’t get rich from this kind of work but I can make some bucks.

My sister is spending two days with us, which is really fun, both for us and Rosa, who absolutely loves her.

The weather is nice and sunny and the wind is not as bad today as it been for the last few weeks. It’s good for laundry though.

I’ve been watching documentaries, Poldark, The Handmaids Tale and Game of Thrones. I keep watching movies as well, although I’m sure I won’t finish my list this month. That’s okay, I’ll finish in August. A few nights ago Rui and I watched The Truman Show (I hadn’t watched it before) and I did like it, although it didn’t become a favorite. I have this unjustified hate for Jim Carry, I have no idea why. I’ve also watched North and South a few days ago and will start Upstairs Downstairs tonight.

I keep supposedly reading “Death With Interruptions”  and I’m actually reading “The Handmaids Tale” with my blogger best friends. We have some kind of book club going on and I love it and them. I’m so glad I’ve met them and I just love them and their personalities so much. We have a lot of fun talking and saying nothing important or intelligent at all. Love you, girls.

I’m in love with those little corn and rice kind of crackers. They’re something too chew and have few calories, so like a healthier and not salty version of potato ships. I’m also in love with cottage cheese, my carrots and plain Greek yogurt.

We’ll do some major cheating and have some of my old very creamy pasta for dinner, because sister is here. Not that I don’t have been cheating lol. You know I do have my cereal sometimes and my coke and I went to McDonald’s with mother last week. As long as there’s a balance I’m fine.

Today I’m not doing much. I’m spending time with sis, working on a bunch of online tasks, doing laundry, and paying attention to my garden and plants in this heat and wind. I’ve watered them, moved one and I need to water the rest tonight. I have one load of laundry drying and another in the washer.

I guess there’s nothing much to tell. I must get a healthy snack now.

Oh, I tried celery for the first time a few days ago and almost threw up. It’s spicy and it tastes like curry or ginger. I just hate it. Damn it, I was looking for more veggies to eat raw. Do you have any suggestions? I usually go with carrots, tomatoes, peppers and cucumber. I want a few new options to add to my lunch.

Okay, I’m off now. I might talk to you later. No promises.

So much love.

Chey.

Health for days journey – June 20th (Addicted to homemade frappuccinos edition)

Good morning everyone,

As you can probably tell by the title, I’ve been drinking way too many frappucinos. They’re so fresh and easy to make and yummy and I love them. Plus, since they’re homemade, their actual really cheap. I just need my Vienna Cappuccino powder, some milk and ice. They’re delicious and I’m in love but I need to control myself because the obviously have added sugar which is not good for me at all.

I’ve been drinking tonnes of water, which is good. I always aim for 1.5 l/2 l and I’ve been getting at least 1.5 l. Plus the frappuccinos, which are basically milk, I think I’ve been doing well in the liquids departments.

We’re also drinking lemonade with different flavors (we have a lemon tree) by making the lemonade and adding some Tang powder. It’s really refreshing.

Rui has made some tea with honey the other day and it’s also really good with ice.

Now you know everything about my Summer drinks. What is yours?

I would really like to study for a few hours today and make it my priority, but it’s quite hard to focus right now, to be honest. The medication doesn’t help at all. My memory and focus have given up on me. But I must try 🙂

I though I would study for the first part of the day and then leave my chores to be done closer to dinner time, at about 5 p.m. If I get to my chores first, then they drag and I don’t study, so I’ll try doing it the other way around.

This is my to-do list:

• Finish folding all of the laundry and putting it away;
• Do some gardening, focus on watering and maybe planting some new seeds. I have a few empty pots and beds;
• Make dinner;
• Read at least 30 pages from the book I’m trying to finish;
• Take out the recycling;

And I won’t make any more plans, because I really want to try to focus on studying.

What are your plans for today?

Thank you for reading!

Hugs and kisses.

Cheila

Health for days journey – June 19th (update)

Good evening everyone,

First of all I would like to thank you for your kind words regarding my recent diagnosis. It’s really not as bad as you think. I’m fine. I’m not happy that I have to take a pill for the rest of my life but, if that’s what it takes to be healthy and happy, I would take 10 (which I currently do, but it won’t always be like this). I will do a full post to explain more about Bipolar Disorder Type 2 but, until then, and because I noticed that some of you are worried about me (which makes me feel loved and I thank you for that), you could read an article or two, so you can understand that it is not as bad as type 1 and that I could be much worse. I

‘m feeling positive and trying not to let it get to me. I know I’m sick right now and that’s just what I have to deal with, so I will. But I’m fine and happy and being well taken care of. Don’t you worry about me, please.

It broke my heart that my best friend called me from Vienna crying because she was worried about me and wished she was closer.

(Catarina, you’re a true friend and I love you with all my heart and miss you every single day. I know you’re reading this because you always do)

Please feel free to ask me ANY questions, I have no issues in answering them and I’m happy I’m strong enough to talk about this. Maybe I’ll help someone realize that they might need to get checked or that they need help. Maybe I’ll make someone feel less lonely. If I reach one person, I’ll be happy.

I’m sorry if you don’t like to read about mental illness, some people are so scared of it that they even refuse to acknowledge it and others are bothered by the subject, because it tends to be quite negative. But this is my blog and I will mention my struggles and be honest and open.

I would also like to update on the situation in my country and thank you so much for your prayers. We are doing better, thankfully. The number of deceased is now 64. The injured count has come up quite a bit, from 62 yesterday to over 100. The fires are being controlled and I don’t think any villages or homes are in danger at this point.

We are an amazing country and we’ve pulled up our sleeves and began to donate money, food and water (some people have even donated clothes, furniture, construction materials, appliances) and doing everything we can so this people can get back on their feet as soon as possible. We have donated so much that it got to a point where we were told to stop sending supplies, as the fire departments didn’t have enough space to store so much food.

Everyone has come together to help and it makes me so happy. We’ll be fine, although we are mourning those who lost their lives. The suffering their families are going through, we can’t take away, unfortunately.

I’ll update you on my to-do list now:

• Take out the recycling; – Oops, I didn’t, it was too hot to go up the street;
• Do some gardening. I have two new plants and I need to plant a few more seeds, along with moving and transplanting some plants; – Again, too hot. I did wet my plants a little during the afternoon so they can endure the heat and I’ll water them in a few minutes;
• Do some laundry. – Did two loads;
• Get Betty to work on some dishes; – She did;
• Cook dinner; – I did;
• Fold and put away all the laundry; – Not all of it, but yes;
• Bathe Rosa and give her the flea medicine. Clean her ears; – Mr.R did this;
• Study for Classic Ancient History for at least 3 hours, with as many breaks as I need; – I haven’t touched it. My new medication is making it really hard for me to focus on studying and reading but I’ll try to study later tonight, maybe I’ll be able to get into it.
• Drink enough water, 2 l as it is extremely hot; – I did;
• Do my yoga; – Haven’t yet;
• Read blogs and respond to comments; – Will do so now;
• Get my materials ready for tutoring on Tuesday; – I’m actually not doing it, as the lady who was supposed to contact me (my friend’s boss), didn’t;
• Read 30 pages of the book I’m trying to finish; – I’ve read a few but I don’t think I’ve read 30 pages;

It didn’t go that bad, considering my doctor has just increased my medication and introduced a new medicine. This change in medication, along with the depressive period in itself, take away my energy and make me really tired, sleepy and week. What I do is alternate my tasks with little naps or laying down for a while.

I’ll finish with a few random photos because I know you like them.

Thank you so much for reading!!

Hugs and kisses.

Chey

Health for days journey – June 19th (Update and back with my lists edition)

 

Good morning everyone,

I thought it was time to back into my health for days journey, both the posts and the journey itself. It happens that I’m currently on a relapse moment. You know I suffer from anxiety and depression and am currently home, trying to take care of myself in order to get better. I’m being followed by a psychiatrist and a psychologist and medicated for my mental illnesses.

What you don’t know, because I wasn’t sure yet, is that I’ve been also diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 2.

My doctor had been suspecting for a while but now we’ve been able to reach a final diagnoses. I will write a full post explaining what it means for me to live with this illness and what it consists of but, for now, just let me tell you that we are not crazy, don’t take our clothes off and scream in public or change our opinion in a matter of 5 seconds. Those are all myths. What it means is that we go through emotions in a different way and could alternate between periods of being well and periods of being severely depressed. These can be triggered by a specific event or not and can last between days and months.

I’m currently going through a low period, that started about a month and a half ago, when something happened to a family member. Do you remember my mentioning this? Well, it meant a point of breakdown for me and I have yet to recover from it. But I’m fine.

Thankfully, I’m one of those people who are aware of their mental issues and has no problem in seeking help and treatment. I know my body and mind very well and I knew something was off from that moment on. I can be intellectually aware that I’m going through a crisis but I can’t obviously avoid it emotionally.

I’m just telling you that because I did start this blog to talk about my mental illness and I’ve always promised to speak up about it and be open about my struggles. I’m sorry if you don’t like to read about such topics, but it is what it is.

This being said, I’m fine. Yes, I’m going to one of my low moments but I’m getting treatment and counselling and everything will be fine soon. I’ll update you on everything else now.

I know my dates for my final exams already, that being 6th of June, 12th of June and 14th of June. It will be so much fun to have two exams on the 5th, one on the 6th and two on the 7th. Poor me. But I’ll be fine. My doctor says go for them.

I didn’t do most of the thinks I wanted to do this weekend, simply because of my increase in medication, which makes me sleepy and groggy for a few days. I’ve been through it a few times, all is well.

I’ve realized that things run smoothly if I accept that, sometimes, I’m just too ill or too tired to do something. I’ll get to it eventually and if I don’t, well, I do enough for someone who is currently battling health issues. Just trying to give myself grace and keep positive.

This is going to be a different week, actually.

I’ve agreed to work for 6 hours (3 on Tuesday and 3 on Wednesday) as a substitute tutor in a place where my friend works as one. They need someone for those days and she isn’t available so she asked me if I could replace her and I said I would. I’ll be tutoring 9th grade Portuguese and English.

I also have 3 therapy appointments, because I haven’t gone in a long time and I need to get back to it and fill her in on my most recent diagnosis and the related events.

Today I plan to:

• Take out the recycling;
• Do some gardening. I have two new plants and I need to plant a few more seeds, along with moving and transplanting some plants;
• Do some laundry.
• Get Betty to work on some dishes;
• Cook dinner;
• Fold and put away all the laundry;
• Bathe Rosa and give her the flea medicine. Clean her ears;
• Study for Classic Ancient History for at least 3 hours, with as many breaks as I need;
• Drink enough water, 2 l as it is extremely hot;
• Do my yoga;
• Read blogs and respond to comments;
• Get my materials ready for tutoring on Tuesday;
• Read 30 pages of the book I’m trying to finish;

And that is it. Would you like to share your tasks for today?

Thank you so much for coming by and you deserve an award if you’ve read the whole post, because it’s long.

Hugs and kisses.

Chey

P.S. This post is dedicated to my poor hydrangeas, that are hating and really suffering with this heat wave. Most hydrangeas that I see around the neighborhood have died because of the super hot temperatures and most of mine are holding up, so they deserve a shout out.

P.S.S. It’s so hot the pine cones are getting unglued and falling from our pine tree. It’s like a pine cone shower and I’m always afraid I’ll get one in the head and die. Rui says that he has never heard or read about anyone dying because of a pine cone incident so I guess I’m fine.

P.S.S.S All of the above are stock photos. These are my actual plants.