#doctor – Pink for Days

What job would you do for free?

I always say that, if I could have the chance to be a doctor, I’d do it for free. That’s how much of a dream it has always been.

Then why didn’t I just study medicine? Several reasons.

1. I didn’t think I was smart enough to get into medical school. Very early on, in 10th grade, I was absolutely certain I was too dumb to even make it through high school mathematics, so I chose the easier path and decided to pursue humanities.

2. I thought I was too poor to ever be able to study medicine. Sure, there’s all kinds of scholarships, especially if you come from a lower income family, but what about books and such? How would I ever afford that? I remember being in college and not being able to afford food, some days. How could I have afforded medical school?

3. I knew I’d have to work as soon as I was able. I ended up working through most of my undergraduate studies and I knew I could never cope with the demands of medical school and a job.

4. I had no support. Coming from a very broken family, my home environment was absolute hell up until the moment I finally left. I knew I’d never be able to have enough stability and peace to study as much as I’d have to had I gone to medical school.

5. I generally thought I wasn’t good enough to try something so challenging.

Now, at 32, I know for a fact I AM and have always been smart enough to do whatever the heck I want. I also know I’m a badass and I could probably have made it work if I had tried hard enough, but I can’t really go back and tell that to my 16 year old self, can I?

Will I ever go for it? Who knows. I still have the urge to try. It’s one of those things I’d probably regret not doing when I’m on my deathbed. We’ll see what I become when I grow up.

The lesson here is don’t be afraid to follow your dreams, even if they feel impossible. Just give it a try before it’s too late.

Here I am, for the third time today. Did you miss the annoying amount of daily posts and bad jokes? So did I, so did I.

I’m back because, once again, I’m late for my blogging challenge. Well, I’m 2 hours and 11 minutes late, so I’m on time in some countries, I guess.

First of all, let me remind you to check Maggie and Angela‘s posts, as we are doing these challenge together. Also, they always post on time, so you are better off reading their posts haha.

Today’s topic is my dream job, and so I will tell you.

My Dream Job:

I dream of being a doctor. Yes, you’ve read that right. I’m 25 years old and telling you I want a completely different career than the one I have (or not) right now. I’ve been teaching private English lessons since 1012. I like it, I’ve had probably close to 200 students, always between 10-30 at a time (keep in mind these are private lessons, so always 1 or 2 people for each class) and I’ve been super busy. It become a business that I was running on my own, before it became too much and I had to take a break, which is what I am doing now. I love English and the fact that I am fluent. I love teaching and I know I’m very good at it. I don’t say that about me often. That I’m really good at something. There aren’t even many things I could say that about, other than this. I’m a really good teacher. A kind, patient, helpful and effective teacher. But that’s not where my heart is.

I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was 15 and in 9th grade. I was a good student, one of the best in class or maybe even the best. But never in Maths. Never. Because I had been naughty and rebellious for so many years, I was and would always be behind in Maths. Remember I told you I had been held back two years for missing class and being a really bad student? That really affected my Math’s grades. I was able to start studying again and became a good student after my years of being well, an idiot. But with Maths, it was harder. I never had a good mark.

We have this thing in Portugal, where you have to choose a specific path after 9th grade. Students are divided by different areas, chosen by them. I really wanted to choose Science and Technologies, where I would have the required subjects to do the right exams and try to enroll in medicine. Those were called “specific subjects” and they were Biology and Geology, Mathematics and Physics/Chemistry (they teach this together). I know I would be fine with Biology, Geology and maybe with Chemistry but not with Physics and certainly not with Mathematics. I would need to get a tutor for sure, which I couldn’t afford at all. My family situation was not ideal either, as I can honestly tell you I never had the right studying environment, if you know what I mean. So, I got scared and chose the easy path, Humanities. This was something I was good at. History and Geography and Literature were easy for me. I would have no issues studying by myself. I would get good grades and go to university. I would forget about the doctor thing and study Literature. I love Literature, I do. I love Science as well. I love both.

The doctor thing has never left my mind. I did nothing while I was still in school but once I was in university and already working, I decided I couldn’t let it go, so I tried three different things.

I enrolled in a private school where I could study and finish the subjects I needed and do the required exams. Biology/Geology, Maths and Physics/Chemistry. I went to class. I worked. I was in university. I hated this private school. The teachers didn’t teach, they babied the students and gave them tricks about what they thought was gonna be asked in the exams. This was not what I wanted. I needed to learn. I needed the basics. I need to do well. I was paying 200€ and some change a month by myself, which was a huge burden. I wouldn’t have minded, if I was learning something, which I wasn’t. So I quit.
In 2015, I enrolled in a public school for night classes. They were between 6.30 p.m and 11.30 p.m. I was going to this classes while working all day and going ton school at night. I had a second job at h&m, 12 hours a week. This would be nights or weekends. I was still in uni. I was not living at home anymore, having my own house and things to manage. It was too much. I decided that I would either live h&m or school. I didn’t want to live school at all but there were some outside pressures not worth mentioning. I thought I needed the money I made at the store, so I quit school. I was doing quite well at school, actually. And it became clear I didn’t need my h&m paycheck when I got sick of working there and decided I wanted nothing more to do with it a few moths later. I don’t regret many things, but I do regret living night school.
Last year, around May. I decided I would study by myself, get a tutor and try to do the Biology/Geology exam. The plan was to pass the exam, enroll in nursing school (you can enroll in nursing school with only Biology and Geology, while you need Maths and Physics and Chemistry, along with a much higher average, to study medicine) and then transfer to medicine school. My business was absolutely booming. March-July is the busiest time of the year because I tutor kids for their Portuguese, English or History college admission exams. Exam season is crazy business, so I didn’t get to study as much as I wanted, nor have as many tutoring sessions as I would like to. I did the exam anyway and didn’t pass. I had a score of 6, when I needed minimum 10 to even pass and 13 to apply to nursing school. We get a second chance, so I did the exam again. I got 11,2. It wasn’t enough, but I was (am) pretty proud of myself for having done it. It gave me courage.

Will I keep trying? I have no idea. The dream is still here. It will always be. This is what I want to be. I joke and tell Rui the two things I want to be in life start by m. Medic and mother. I also joke that, if I got the chance to be a doctor I would even do it for free. That’s how much I love it. I’ve been known to watch surgeries only and even autopsies. Mr.R thinks I’m disgusting, haha.

So, what would be my options:

To get into medical school the regular way, I need an average of 18. Which is pretty high. I can either study by myself and do all of the exams, which I’m sure I can’t do, or I can go back to night school and go to actual classes and tutoring sessions and the whole thing. Going back to school, I will need to be there for 3 years and then apply. I’m already 25 so I don’t really feel like waiting another 3 years to get there.
I can repeat the Biology exam, with more time to study and more support and repeat the exam, so I can enroll in nursing school. I would then have to complete one year of nursing school and 1. have perfect attendance, 2. pass all of the courses, 3. do the maths and Physics and Chemistry during that year and get a minimum of 14. This option is easier and faster but more expensive (school is free, nursing school is not) and time-consuming.

What would you do? What should I do? I have no idea! Should I give up on my dream because it is too hard? Am I too late, too old? I go back and forth with these questions. My mind tells me to let it go and focus on just working and living my life, but my heart… that’s a different story and I have no idea how it will end.

Thank you so much for reading such a long post.

Feel free to comment with your honest opinions!

What’s your dream job? Are you doing it? I hope you are.