Do you have it too?
This need to make a huge, exaggerated list of plans, that you need to get done as soon as possible? This need to be busy at all times, busier than anyone else? This striving for perfection that you cannot control?
Well, I do. I’ve always had it.
Before, I was not good at making things happening at all, so I wouldn’t care anyway.
With the years, experience and changes, I became productive and someone who can finish projects, really DO things, plan and accomplish. With these changes, came the stress and need to be super productive and organized. I can be, at times. I can multitask and actually focus on everything that I am doing, despite what people might say. I’m usually blogging, watching/listening to a YouTube video and texting, for example.
But, I have a tendency to overdo-it. To push myself too hard and to be my worst enemy.
My psychiatrist says this is one of my symptoms of Bipolar 2. Being extremely productive when well, entrepreneurial and independent from a young age. If this doesn’t describe me, I don’t know what does.
The thing is, I’m not going to give this away. I’m sorry. I don’t know who I am if I’m not busy and being productive. This might be part of some mental illness, but it is still me. It happens to be my favorite part about myself too. The type A, overachiever, “do-it-all-right-now” type of person. So I won’t give it up. Ever. But I have learned two things:
- I can’t be like this all the time. If I’m unwell, things will not get done and that’s okay. I will forget my to-do list and watch movies until I’m so bored I need to get back to it. I’ll rest, until I’m there again.
- It’s okay when things don’t get done. I know I tend to do huge lists and I’ll keep doing them, but I’ll be fine when I don’t scratch every single thing. It’ll get done eventually. I’m not going to stress about it.
This is the best compromise I can make with myself. I continue to be exactly who I am, but I relax and give myself some grace, when needed. It takes a ton of weight of my shoulders, and I don’t feel like I need to change, just adapt.
With that said, I’ll come back soon with my July wrap-up and my August goals 😉
Thank you so much.