Student Wisdom #7

Student 1 to student 2: Teacher is pretty mad. And she’s right.

(Thank you, kid. You try your best to make me mad and then feel bad about it)


Student 1: I have some lump on the left side of my throat.

Student 2: Of course you do, everyone does. They’re called tonsils.

Student 1: But they hurt when I touch, maybe I should see a doctor.

Student 2: Of course they hurt, you’re pressing them.

Student 1: But I had never noticed this. Oh, it’s on the other side too!!

Student 2: (Face palm)

Student 3: OMG, I have it too!! On both sides!! What is this??

Student 2: Not again. Same as his. Tonsils.

Student 3: But he’s right, it hurts when I touch!

Me: Yup, you’re both dying. Now shut up.


Student 1 (Female): My heart hurts.

Me: No it doesn’t, it’s on the other side.

Student 1: Oh. Is it below my boobs?

Me: Uh, not exactly but definitely on the other side.

Student 1: haha the other day I told my dad my prostate hurt.

Me and the rest of her colleagues: hahahaha

Me: That would definitely be a problem.


Student 1: Hey, are you feeling better?

Me: About what?

Student 1: You were pretty mad yesterday.

Me: Yes, I will keep on being mad.

Student 1: ….


Student 1 to my colleague: What is wrong with teacher Cheila? (I was acting cold and distant, not smiling or talking to them unless I had to)

My colleague: Well, it’s obviously a consequence of your behavior. You get what you deserve. And if you don’t know how to behave and how to respect a teacher, they won’t treat you the way you want either.

Student 1: Yeah…


Student 1 (Female): (looking at my Instagram): OMG you used to be so beautiful!

Me: What the.. Am I ugly now??

Student 1: Oh, no!! Sorry!! I meant you look beautiful with red hair!

Me: right.


Student 1 (shaming someone I don’t know): And she’s just so fat…

Me: What do you have against fat people?

Student 1: Nothing… I…

Me: I’m fat. Do you have anything to say about that? You should not judge people like that.

Student 2 (male and usually very difficult): Teacher, you’re not fat. You’re just a little fat because you were sick.

Me: (melts into a puddle)


Student 1: Teacher, do you have some gum?

Me: Nope and there will never be gum again.

Students: ….


Student 1: Teacher, my I speak to you outside?

Me: Yes, okay.

(we step outside and his mom is there waiting)

Mom: Now say what you have to say!

Student 1: Well, I have apologized yesterday…

Mom: Right now!

Student 1: Teacher, I’m sorry. I will never disrespect you again. I’m really sorry.

Me: Okay. That’s okay, if you promise to never do it again.

Mom: Next time you disrespect your teacher, this conversation will happen in your classroom, in front of all of your classmates!

Me: …

Student: …

(MOM OF THE YEAR!!!)

Student Wisdom #6

Student: How do Muslims know they are facing Mecca while praying?

Me: Well, they know. You know you have North, South, East…

Student: So for them is like North, South, Mecca?

Me: ….


Student 1: You look pretty because you have blush on.

Me: Well, thank you.

Student: Hahaha she’s saying you’re ugly when you don’t.

Me: ….


Student: You look pretty. Is it your birthday?

Me: No. That’s next week.

Student: Oh, people usually look prettier on their birthday.


Student 1: I think I’ll fail my English test. My parents will kill me.

Student 2: Mine won’t. I pretend to be very sad and they make me pork chops.


Student 1: I have such a headache, I need to take a pill.

Student 2: Don’t!! I heard that you can get cancer from taking too many pills.

 

Student Wisdom #5

Student 1: Did you go to college?

Me: Sure.

Student 1: Where do you live?

Me: I live in (x)

Student 1: How old are you?

Me: I’m 25.

Student 2: ( sarcastically) Are you also gonna ask her for her address, floor, who does she live with, etc?

Student 1: …

Me: …


Me: x you need to be quiet and do your worksheet. You have done nothing so far. I don’t want to get mad at you but you leave me no choice.

Student 1: okay!

Student 2: You have such a sweet voice…

Me: …


Student 1: What breed is your dog?

Me: She’s a mutt. No breed at all.

Student 2: She’s store brand.

Me: ….


Student: I wish you could come and take my English test for me.

Me: Haha we don’t even look alike, honey.

Student: I’ll be thinking about you the whole time.


Student: I’m so worried about tomorrow’s test.

Me: Why? I think you’re well prepared.

Student: Yeah, but it’s Friday the 13th.

Me: ….

Student Wisdom #4

Student 1: Teacher, what language is this?

Me: I have no idea… It looks like Finnish or Norwegian or something like that.

Student 2: Norwegian. Such a beautiful language. I would love to know it.

Me: Really, where did you hear it?

Student 2: I haven’t.

source.gif

 


Student 1: Were you forced to marry Rui?

Me: What? Why would you say that?

Student 1: You are so young.

Student 2: What? She’s like 30.

Me: I’m NOT 30.

Student 2: You look like it.

Me: …

Student 1: She’s 25.

Student 2: okay.

Me: Okay… So? It doesn’t happen like that. You can’t force someone to marry.

Student 1: Well, you’re just so young, I thought your parents-in-law might have forced you.

giphy (12).gif


Student 1: Hahaha he farted.

Me: Really, well…

Student 2: I would never do that to you!!

Me: Well… you could… I mean… just let it slip. That’s okay.

Student 2: That’s disrespectful, I would never do that.

Me: Not on purpose but…

Student 2: I NEVER do that to you. Not even as an accident.

source (2).gif


(Student looking at my hair very seriously)

Student: You don’t have any dandruff.

Me: haha, well that’s good.

Student: Some people do…

Me… Yeah…

giphy (16).gif


Student 1: Women can do more than one thing at a time.

Student 2: I’m a man and so do I. I can sleep and snore at the same time.

giphy (15).gif


Student 1: Teacher, do you have a tissue?

Me: Sure, here.

Student 2: I’m hungry…

Me: Here, have some crackers.

Student 3: Can I have some gum?

Me: Sure, there you go.

Student 4: Wow, you have EVERYTHING.

giphy (14).gif


Student 1: What’s the name of that guy that went around the earth to prove that it was round because everyone thought it was a square but then died before he even got there?

 

giphy (13).gif

Daily planner and journal: 03/10/17

Hello everyone,

I hope you are well.

First of all. I would like to start by saying that I am so sorry for what happened yesterday in Las Vegas. I cannot even imagine the pain those families must be feeling. Your son, daughter, mother, father or someone else you love goes to a concert where they feel safe and they never come home. This is so sad and I can only imagine the heartache. I am sorry for all of you American friends in general, who no longer feel safe in your country. This is a tragedy and we should all be in mourning. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry this is happening in your country.

Secondly, I need to say that one of my dearest friend is going through something very difficult and that we would appreciate some prayers and thoughts. Her uncle died in the most painful circumstances, because of a stupid accident that should never have happened. Life can be so hard and sad. Please pray for his soul and for the strength of those who lost him, especially his mother who is going through one of the worst pains one can feel. I can only imagine how desperate she must feel. For my friend, who I love so much, I send so much love and my own prayers and positive thoughts. I hope you read this. I love you so much. You can go through anything. You are strong. We’re here for you.


On another note, I thought I would do a little update, for those who have the time and patience to read it.

I am still in love with my job. I love the kids, even when they are difficult. They say they love me too, which is the best I can ask for. When kids hate you, they really hate you and have no shame in making your life a living hell while you are trying to work. I am blessed with patience and I think that is one of the things they like about me. I listen to them, I answer their questions, I am funny and approachable. I need to be firm and focus on discipline sometimes, which I honestly hate because I don’t like to be mean and hard on my not so little guys and girls. I love my colleagues and the work I do. I love the hours, which allow me to work on other things and still have plenty of free time. I am blessed with a good salary for the hours I work, which is more than I could ask for. I cannot describe the feeling of getting my first paycheck after 6 months of being home. I feel like myself again, finally.

funny-teacher-quotes

My online work is going really well. I have regular clients for whom I do book promotions, write articles and other general assistant tasks, which is something I love and am good at. You know how much I love organization, which is the one of my main tasks for such job. I also make extra money which is so helpful and rewarding for me. I have never had less than two, three or four jobs. I love the different planning and schedules and multitasking side of things. I like to be busy with different projects and to feel productive. I am very happy and fulfilled when it comes to my professional life.

21d4d9bd5b5f1160b054da47359bdbb1--being-a-teacher-teacher-stuff

 


October is my birthday month. I usually love my birthday but I ‘m honestly not feeling it this year, for several reasons that are not worth mentioning. Last year my friends threw me a surprise birthday party.

monday-birthday-joke-calendar-funny-ecard-PeT

The year before, when I turned 24, I had a big party at home, with about 20 people, friends and family.

When I turned 23, I had a pretty big party as well.

Sorry a teenager called you ma'am

For 22, we ate at a restaurant and my friends decided to sing happy birthday after I demanded they wouldn’t. Well, the restaurant was absolutely full and I had to endure about 50 people singing happy birthday while I was blushing like I had never had before and had no idea where to look. That was interesting.

For 21, I had a small dinner with my best friends at a shopping mall. My mom and sister came by to deliver some cake. Pretty simple.

For 20, I was very sad. I had just been accepted into college, had pushed away most of my friends (after a very difficult couple of years – screw 2010 and 2011) and was working a job I absolutely hated and that made me feel like a slave. My best friends surprised me with a birthday cake that I accidentally dropped.

If you were a dog you'd be
dead by now.

For 19, I was pretty happy. I had many friends attending my birthday lunch and movie (at the mall). I had breakfast with my grandmother and grandfather (we were in good terms after a long time of arguing). My grandfather died exactly a week later. My birthday was the last one he was alive for.

For 18, I had a big lunch at the mall. There were about 20 friends plus the guy who had broken my heart a few months before and decided to crash my birthday lunch. We had lunch, went to see a movie, came back to my house where I had a big family party waiting (I was allowed to bring two of my best friends), as well as a laptop as a present and a birthday cake that was a book and which had my face on one said and sad something like “18 years ago I looked at you for the first time. You were my first love”. Thanks mom. Both ironically and not so ironically. After dinner, I was allowed to go out and party for the first time, with both my best friends. I invited the heart breaker (stupid, stupid, stupid) and he decided it was a good idea to make out with a girl right next to me, at the club. Oh, you bastard. I hope you are a better person now.

May you live long enough to shit yourself

For 26. Only God know. Let’s wait and see what October 23rd has in store for me.

When is your birthday? Do you like celebrating it?

 

Desenho sem título (4)

 

Student Wisdom #3

  1. Student: How old are you? 
  2. Me: 25.
  3. Student: Oh, you look 23.
  4. Me: ….
  1. Student: Are you married?
  2. Me: Technically yes. It works as if I’m married but I didn’t sign any paper. Do you know how it works?
  3. Student: Sure, it’s illegal.
  4. Me: No it’s not illegal. You can have the same rights as a married couple if you have shared the same house, taxes, etc, for over two years.
  5. Student: Hahahaha so you live in sin.
  6. Me: ….
  1. Student one: x is really stupid. He has good grades, he only comes to tutoring because he doesn’t have any space to study at home or a good desk.
  2. Student two: Yeah, with what he pays here he might as well buy a desk.
  1. Student: I’m sitting here next to my favorite teacher.
  2. Me: 😍😍😍😍
  1. Student one: Teacher, did you know me and x were boyfriend and girlfriend for 6 years?
  2. Me: What? You’re 13.
  3. Student one: Yes, from grade 1 to grade 6.
  4. Me: Well, why did you break up?
  5. Student one: It was me. I was stupid. 
  6. Me: Oh, would you like to get back together with x?
  7. Student one: Yes. I’ve told him I like him.
  8. Me: X (seating right in front of her), would you like to get together with Z?
  9. Student 2: No. I mean, I don’t know. She broke up with me. She’s always breaking up with me so she has to be the one to ask.
  10. Me: okay….
  1. Student: Teacher, I’ll buy you a really big present for your birthday!
  1. Teacher: Shut up and do your work. If you just ship up and finish that worksheet I’ll buy you ice cream.
  2. Student: Really?
  3. Teacher: Yes. (Desperate times… but student proceeds to work quietly)
  4. Teacher: Come here for your ice cream money
  5. Student: Shhh, don’t show anyone. They’ll all come and ask you for money.
  1. Teacher: X, if you open your mouth to speak again you’re out of this classroom.
  2. 2. Teacher: X, are you done with your work?
  3. Student: ….
  4. Teacher: Hey, I asked you a question!
  5. Student: You told me I would be out if I open my mouth one more time.
  6. Teacher: You can obviously talk to ME.
  7. Student: Oh, okay.