Student 1 to student 2: Teacher is pretty mad. And she’s right.
(Thank you, kid. You try your best to make me mad and then feel bad about it)
Student 1: I have some lump on the left side of my throat.
Student 2: Of course you do, everyone does. They’re called tonsils.
Student 1: But they hurt when I touch, maybe I should see a doctor.
Student 2: Of course they hurt, you’re pressing them.
Student 1: But I had never noticed this. Oh, it’s on the other side too!!
Student 2: (Face palm)
Student 3: OMG, I have it too!! On both sides!! What is this??
Student 2: Not again. Same as his. Tonsils.
Student 3: But he’s right, it hurts when I touch!
Me: Yup, you’re both dying. Now shut up.
Student 1 (Female): My heart hurts.
Me: No it doesn’t, it’s on the other side.
Student 1: Oh. Is it below my boobs?
Me: Uh, not exactly but definitely on the other side.
Student 1: haha the other day I told my dad my prostate hurt.
Me and the rest of her colleagues: hahahaha
Me: That would definitely be a problem.
Student 1: Hey, are you feeling better?
Me: About what?
Student 1: You were pretty mad yesterday.
Me: Yes, I will keep on being mad.
Student 1: ….
Student 1 to my colleague: What is wrong with teacher Cheila? (I was acting cold and distant, not smiling or talking to them unless I had to)
My colleague: Well, it’s obviously a consequence of your behavior. You get what you deserve. And if you don’t know how to behave and how to respect a teacher, they won’t treat you the way you want either.
Student 1: Yeah…
Student 1 (Female): (looking at my Instagram): OMG you used to be so beautiful!
Me: What the.. Am I ugly now??
Student 1: Oh, no!! Sorry!! I meant you look beautiful with red hair!
Student 1 (shaming someone I don’t know): And she’s just so fat…
Me: What do you have against fat people?
Student 1: Nothing… I…
Me: I’m fat. Do you have anything to say about that? You should not judge people like that.
Student 2 (male and usually very difficult): Teacher, you’re not fat. You’re just a little fat because you were sick.
Me: (melts into a puddle)
Student 1: Teacher, do you have some gum?
Me: Nope and there will never be gum again.
Student 1: Teacher, my I speak to you outside?
Me: Yes, okay.
(we step outside and his mom is there waiting)
Mom: Now say what you have to say!
Student 1: Well, I have apologized yesterday…
Mom: Right now!
Student 1: Teacher, I’m sorry. I will never disrespect you again. I’m really sorry.
Me: Okay. That’s okay, if you promise to never do it again.
Mom: Next time you disrespect your teacher, this conversation will happen in your classroom, in front of all of your classmates!
(MOM OF THE YEAR!!!)