Student Wisdom #7

Student 1 to student 2: Teacher is pretty mad. And she’s right.

(Thank you, kid. You try your best to make me mad and then feel bad about it)

Student 1: I have some lump on the left side of my throat.

Student 2: Of course you do, everyone does. They’re called tonsils.

Student 1: But they hurt when I touch, maybe I should see a doctor.

Student 2: Of course they hurt, you’re pressing them.

Student 1: But I had never noticed this. Oh, it’s on the other side too!!

Student 2: (Face palm)

Student 3: OMG, I have it too!! On both sides!! What is this??

Student 2: Not again. Same as his. Tonsils.

Student 3: But he’s right, it hurts when I touch!

Me: Yup, you’re both dying. Now shut up.

Student 1 (Female): My heart hurts.

Me: No it doesn’t, it’s on the other side.

Student 1: Oh. Is it below my boobs?

Me: Uh, not exactly but definitely on the other side.

Student 1: haha the other day I told my dad my prostate hurt.

Me and the rest of her colleagues: hahahaha

Me: That would definitely be a problem.

Student 1: Hey, are you feeling better?

Me: About what?

Student 1: You were pretty mad yesterday.

Me: Yes, I will keep on being mad.

Student 1: ….

Student 1 to my colleague: What is wrong with teacher Cheila? (I was acting cold and distant, not smiling or talking to them unless I had to)

My colleague: Well, it’s obviously a consequence of your behavior. You get what you deserve. And if you don’t know how to behave and how to respect a teacher, they won’t treat you the way you want either.

Student 1: Yeah…

Student 1 (Female): (looking at my Instagram): OMG you used to be so beautiful!

Me: What the.. Am I ugly now??

Student 1: Oh, no!! Sorry!! I meant you look beautiful with red hair!

Me: right.

Student 1 (shaming someone I don’t know): And she’s just so fat…

Me: What do you have against fat people?

Student 1: Nothing… I…

Me: I’m fat. Do you have anything to say about that? You should not judge people like that.

Student 2 (male and usually very difficult): Teacher, you’re not fat. You’re just a little fat because you were sick.

Me: (melts into a puddle)

Student 1: Teacher, do you have some gum?

Me: Nope and there will never be gum again.

Students: ….

Student 1: Teacher, my I speak to you outside?

Me: Yes, okay.

(we step outside and his mom is there waiting)

Mom: Now say what you have to say!

Student 1: Well, I have apologized yesterday…

Mom: Right now!

Student 1: Teacher, I’m sorry. I will never disrespect you again. I’m really sorry.

Me: Okay. That’s okay, if you promise to never do it again.

Mom: Next time you disrespect your teacher, this conversation will happen in your classroom, in front of all of your classmates!

Me: …

Student: …


Student Wisdom #5

Student 1: Did you go to college?

Me: Sure.

Student 1: Where do you live?

Me: I live in (x)

Student 1: How old are you?

Me: I’m 25.

Student 2: ( sarcastically) Are you also gonna ask her for her address, floor, who does she live with, etc?

Student 1: …

Me: …

Me: x you need to be quiet and do your worksheet. You have done nothing so far. I don’t want to get mad at you but you leave me no choice.

Student 1: okay!

Student 2: You have such a sweet voice…

Me: …

Student 1: What breed is your dog?

Me: She’s a mutt. No breed at all.

Student 2: She’s store brand.

Me: ….

Student: I wish you could come and take my English test for me.

Me: Haha we don’t even look alike, honey.

Student: I’ll be thinking about you the whole time.

Student: I’m so worried about tomorrow’s test.

Me: Why? I think you’re well prepared.

Student: Yeah, but it’s Friday the 13th.

Me: ….