Category: Funny
Student Wisdom #2
Teacher: When do we use present continuous?
Student: When we need it.
Teacher: …..
Student is at a smaller table, next to a bigger table where his colleagues are seated.
Student: I don’t like sitting here.
Teacher: Why?
Student: I feel like I’m not seated at their table.
Teacher: Well, that’s because you are not seated at their table.
Student: Yeah, that must be it.
Student: Teacher, do you know that movie where they sing and she’s always wearing yellow?
Teacher: La La Land?
Student: Yes, that’s it.
Teacher: She’s not always wearing yellow.
Student: Yes, she is.
Teacher: …
Student: I’m so tired.
Teacher: How can you be tired? it’s 11 a.m. Didn’t you sleep?
Student: I did but I want to sleep again.
Teacher: Well, maybe next week, when we start at 5 p.m you’ll be less sleepy.
Student: No, then we will be tired from school.
Teacher: So when are you not tired?
Student 2: On weekends.
Teacher: I don’t see you on weekends.
Student 2: Yup.
Student Wisdom #1
Wise Student: Teacher, do you think The United States are going to war with Japan and that Trump will die?
Teacher: What? It’s not Japan, it’s North Korea.
Wise Student: It’s the same.
Teacher: No, it’s not. Not at all.
Wise Student: …
Wise Student: Teacher, which ones are the fastest, the white blood cells or the red blood cells?
Teacher: Uh… I don’t think they race.
Wise Student: No, I know some of them are faster.
Teacher: …
Wise Student: Teacher, what’s your football team?
Teacher: X, by marriage. My husband says I must share his team. I was once a fan of X, because I had a boyfriend who played there.
Wise Student: So, do you pick your teams according to your boyfriends?
Teacher: …
Impulse buys – Dishwasher
Once upon a time a poor little lady was washing dishes from a whole week…
She was probably looking really sad, wet and miserable, while washing over 20 plates, endless glasses and so much cutlery. But the worst, the worst were the old Tupperware containers. Nothing is as bad as washing stained, greasy plastic.
Her prince got home from work and noticed how tired his lady was from hours of washing.
He said: “No more. We’re getting a dishwasher.”
She said: “What? No. Come on. We’re not getting a dishwasher today. It’s expensive.”
He answered: “How much is it? 400€?”
She replied: “About 200 and something”
He looked into his phone at his catalog app. He found a dishwasher for 250€.
He said: “That’s it. Go get dressed, we’re getting a dishwasher right now.”
He turned the water off. He turned the water heater off. There was no more dish washing for his lady.
She got dressed in her best sweats and sneakers and off they went. At the store, there were about 5 to choose from around the same price range. The asked the sales adviser which was the best. He said they were pretty much the same, so they chose the prettiest one. How happy they were about their new washer. They went straight to the supermarket to get dishwasher salt and detergent. They got it on sale too, what a happy day. Then, they went home and set it up. They immediately filled her up with all of their remaining dirty dishes. Then: Start.
“How lovely she is” – one said.
“And how silent” – the other added.
They lived happily ever after, waiting for the cycle to finish, so they can see if she is any good.
Oh, the joys of impulsively buying appliances.
Blessed day (literally)
Hey guys,
How are you?
Just having a regular Saturday, aren’t you?
NOT US!!
- We have the pope.
- Our soccer team might win the National Championship for the 4th year in a row today! Benfiiiiicaaaa!!!!
- We might win the Eurovision Festival tonight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymFVfzu-2mw
You may not understand the language (we’re the only ones not singing in English!) but the song is lovely! Listen and give me your opinion 🙂
Oh, the pope has left at 3 p.m.
Anyway, of course I’m gonna watch the game and the finale of the festival being super ambitious and hoping we can win both. I’m surrounded with snacks, bae and dog and very excited waiting for the results.
My Friday didn’t start very well, some family drama being responsible for it. I cried a lot and then I decided I wouldn’t take shit and would get up and bake a cake instead, ha! I tried a new recipe (apple and cinnamon cake) and used whole-wheat flour for the first time. The cake was delicious but, as usual, it didn’t grow. I have tried EVERYTHING, every single tip, different brands of flour, different brands of baking powder, different ovens, different programs on my oven, different cake pans, different recipes, different temperatures, different times. NOTHING works. My cakes never grow or, if they do, they shrink immediately. I’m begging for some new tips. Please!!
Oh, and that is not even the funny part.
I dropped half of the cake on the floor. Yap. And I couldn’t even apply the 5 second rule because I have a dog and there’s always dog hair on the floor. Oops. Whatever I didn’t drop, Mr.R gladly ate.
I’ve just made a batch of cupcakes for the very first time. 100% homemade coffee cupcakes with coffee buttercream frosting. They actually grew and taste delicious, although Rui thinks the frosting is too sweet. I followed the recipe and I think it tastes pretty good but I might cut a little on the sugar next time. Do you have a favorite cupcake recipe?
Oh, and you should see me frosting a cupcake for the first time hahaha. Not very artistic but I’ll eat it anyway. Too embarrassed to take pictures!
I’ll be reading blogs while watching the game and the festival, so please stop by and say hello. So sorry I can’t share snacks.
Are you doing something exciting today?
Are you having a good weekend so far?
What have you been eating?
Do you like soccer?
P.S. We are already winning the soccer game!! 3-0
Love!!
P.S.S I’m actually catholic and am not making fun of the pope. Even if I was, he has a very good sense of humor and would probably laugh (he made a mother-in-law joke the other day. The pope!!)
My hospital adventures (and the Russian House M.D)
Hey there, dear friends!!
If you read my blog often you probably missed me for the last 24 hours. I usually post at night and then at lunch time, which I didn’t do.
After my last post, I began to feel very unwell again, extremely dizzy (almost passing out) and experiencing nausea and a huge headache. I called my psychiatrist and she said I should go to the hospital, to make sure it’s just side effects of the pills. She told me that, if they didn’t find anything, it was probably my medication and we would adjust that.
I showered and Rui came home early.
Where we live, there’s a health care center that is open 24 hours and takes care of emergencies. We decided that should be enough and went there. We waited for about 2 hours, until I finally got a very rude doctor, who wouldn’t even let me speak. He asked me when was my last period, took my blood pressure and sugar, and asked for a urine sample. After all of that he called me and said they were just going to give me some fluids (some saline)
And I got pissed!
Conversation:
Me: But why?
Doctor: Because you have dizziness!
Me: But no diagnosis?
Doctor: That’s a diagnosis!
Me: Isn’t that a symptom?
Doctor: Being dizzy is a symptom, dizziness is a diagnosis. (WTF? ISN’T THAT THE SAME SHIT WITH DIFFERENT WORDS?)
Me: But I would like to have some exams done or something else.
Doctor: That’s supposed to be with your family doctor.
Me: Which I don’t have… we don’t have one. There aren’t enough doctors.
Doctor: Yes, you do. It’s doctor x.
Me: Why did they tell me I had no doctor?
Doctor: When was that?
Me: About a month ago. You don’t take blood samples here?
Doctor: No, this is a healthcare center, not a hospital.
Me: ….
Doctor: Unless you want me to refer you to the hospital so you can have some blood work.
Me: Yes, I would like that
…….
Doctor proceeds to shove the results he had in an envelope and give them to me and refer me to the hospital.
So we went there (it’s about 20 minutes away, maybe more) and I had to wait from 9.34 p.m to almost 1 a.m to be seen by a doctor. Yes, Portugal has free healthcare, but you die while waiting so…
The doctor called me and asked a bunch of questions, in his Russian accent, measured my blood pressure again, took my temperature and told me “Go do a (something) nasal x-ray and come back here)”.
I went and did my ex-ray and came back. He immediately showed me my x-ray on his computer and said:
Doctor: See here. You have acute frontal sinusitis. That’s what causing the dizziness, the nausea, the balance issues, the headache and all of the symptoms. This is a sponge tissue that gets inflamed and creates pressure against your skull, which makes your head hurt. This is chronic and it has no cure. You need to be careful about a few things…. (as he proceeded to explain me everything about my situation and the things I needed to be careful about)
Me: (thinking to myself) Are you like… the Russian version of House?
The guy was spot on, instead of telling me to pee in a cup. I was amazed.
So guys, this is why I have been unwell for the last week or so… I’m having a crisis, there’s inflammation, which explains everything.
I finally got a diagnosis!!
It’s shit to have this because my ears will always be super sensitive, I can’t eat certain foods and I might have a crisis a couple of times a year, but at least I know what I have and can take care of it!!!
That’s it for now!!
xx
A couple of druggies, a Czar and the internet guy! (Oh and a snake, too)
Hey there, my friends!
As you can see, I’m leaving this day out of my health for days journey. Why? Well, remember I had told you I needed to wake up early and go with Mr. R to take care of a few things and take the dog to the vet? Didn’t happen. I was just so… high… we was unable to wake me up and he had to take care of everything by himself. Since they couldn’t hold the dog to give her a vaccine (Rosa is like a pit-bull at the vet) they had to dope her!! So I wake up at almost 4 p.m, when Rui got home with a very high dog. I was still kind of high myself and not quite out of my communist Russia and Czar dream (the longest ever) so I was confused. What a situation, Rosa the druggie and me, Mrs. Junkie. I’ve woken up now, called my doctor and she has reduced my medication. Thankfully!!
Anyway, now it’s about 6 p.m, we’re waiting for the internet guy (we’re getting faster internet and cable for the same price we paid for the slow internet only) and I haven’t done shit lol such a productive day. Mr. R is on fire so he has already washed like 5 days worth of dishes….
(He just called me and said “come see a snake” and I thought I was still high on my meds for a moment, but then I went there and it was a very cute baby snake. We don’t kill any animals here, not even spiders, so he is kindly asking her to leave our property)
… vacuumed both the kitchen and the living room, because the cable guy needs to think we’re clean.
He’s here now and I’m about to be out of internet so… See you later!!!
Love.
Cheila
Things I want my friends to buy me for my birthday, now that I’m a Harry Potter fan…
Dear friends,
My birthday is on October 23rd!
I’m going to be 26, so I expect no less than 26 presents!! I’m like Dudley hahahahaha!!!
Start gathering your spare money
This is my wishlist:
Well guys, I guess that’s it for now!!
*All images are from ebay.
An Ode to my cereal
Oh, dear cereal.
Whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine are the same.
So you’re chocolate and milk, but you feel like silk,
when you call by my name.
To the moon and back,
On the road, like Kerouac,
You are my perfect little cereal,
You’re like poetry, you’re Shakespeareal.
You’re my moon and stars,
and I know you live me scars
It’s too much sugar too endure,
But you’re so sweet, mon amour.
Why such a small box?
Why live me so soon?
You’re the sun to my heart
And the stars to my moon.
Every bite is paradise,
every spoonful feels like dreams
eating you is not wise
But I’m a fatty, so it seems.
Cheila Belinda Cruz
Pink for Days 