Just random…

Hey guys,

Are you having a good week?

Mine is okay, so far…

I thought I would share the most random thoughts:

• I’m currently sitting in the car, waiting for Rui. He went to the store to get something we need for dinner. I’m so hungry and have a huge headache.
• I think I stretched myself too thin at work today. I was dealing with two tables full of students. Three eight graders were studying English, six were studying History and a ninth grader was studying Portuguese. I was attending to all of them at the same time, dealing with organizing, questions, telling them to shut up. These two boys spent two hours provoking each other and being nasty, almost fighting. I just wanted to smack both.
• I’m an idiot and I’ve eaten a pack of crackers today, nothing else. I was busy and stupid and you know.
• I overslept and was late so I had to take a cab to work, which cost me 25€. My wallet cried.
• I’m wearing a beanie because I was too lazy to wash my hair. And because I overslept.
• I never seem to have any cash on me, which caused me to miss a bus yesterday. I was wearing gym clothes and walked 2.3 km because I wanted to catch a 3.30 p.m water aerobics class. I would shower and get dressed for work there, as I started work at 5 p.m. After walking that much and being very sweaty, I saw the bus leaving right in front of me. I could have run, but I had no money. A trip to the ATM later, I waited 1 hour for another bus and went to work wearing gym clothes (which is okay, no dress code, but funny).
• Do you know this show “Super Nanny”? It just aired in Portugal and everyone of freaking out about children’s rights and such and there’s this huge issue and conflict between the network and this child protection agency going on. It’s weird, I don’t think it caused any problems in other countries it has aired before.
• I need to wash all of these clothes I am lending my pregnant friend. Things I haven’t worn in a while because they don’t fit me right now or things that fit but can be worn by a pregnant woman and that I don’t mind sharing.
• I’m having dinner with friends tomorrow.
• I’m still super into podcasts and true crime and really want to watch this new show “The Alienist ” with Dakota Fanning.

I guess I’ve dumped enough random for one day. Rui is going for a run and I’m off to make dinner and some laundry.

Would you share some random with me? Thank you.

❤️

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Blogger Talk – Let’s Share Experiences

Questions:

1. Have you ever thought about deleting your blog?
2. How many people do you follow? How many blogs do you read/comment each day?
3. Do you have blogger bff’s? Do you guys talk outside of the blogging/WordPress community?

My answers:

1. I’ve been thinking about it lately, that’s actually why I’m asking.

2. I have know idea. I follow a bunch of people but I haven’t been reading or commenting at all for the last several months, which is very strange for someone who used to read everyone every single day and comment on everything.

3. I do. I have 4 blogging bff’s and we talk a lot and have become quite intimate and inseparable last year. I feel they are the best thing that’s happened to me through my blog. I do love my blog, but I would delete it in a heartbeat if I had to just so I could keep them. They’re just some of my favorite people and best friends and I love them. I don’t think they’re less important because we’ve met online or because we’ve never met in person. They’re mine just the same.

How about you? I’d love to read your answers.

❤️

Chey

Happy New Year, Dear!! – First Time I Write More Than a Paragraph in a While

Hey everyone!!

How can it be 2018 already? Can someone please explain? I mean, 2017 was not cool at all so I’m very glad it went by so fast and all but, at the same time, I feel like the years just come and go too fast, which is something old people used to say so, I guess I’m old now? I’m actually lying. I already knew that when I bought a big set of pots and pans and was very happy and excited.

I honestly don’t even know what to write so I’ll ask you:

What would you like to read?

• A 2017 recap in a few categories?
• Plans for the new year?
• General life update?
• A few resolutions?
• Me going back to my daily posts and to-do lists?

Please share your opinion.

---

So, what have I been up to?

I’ve been very tired so I’ve been going to bed very early. Yesterday, Rui was home and I was done with work and some chores by 6 p.m and so I just went to bed. I fell asleep for a short nap and then decided I would listen to some podcasts. I’ve been obsessed with this podcast Thinking Sideways. It’s about unsolved mysteries and true crime, mostly, which is kind of my jam. I listen to a few more podcasts on the same topic, watch YouTube videos and documentaries about serial killers (I mean, Ed Kemper’s interview, I’m still digesting that one) and read books on the same subjects as well. I’ve been known to watch live autopsy videos.

I’m not a creep. I swear. At least not in that way. I’m just very interested in crime, criminology, psychology and psychiatry so it kind of makes sense to me. It feels like research. I learn so much and it’s pretty entertaining as well. No, I’m not scared of any of that. I can listen to the spookiest things and look at really traumatizing pictures while alone in my room, in the dark, having a snack lol

Rui thinks I’m nuts and wants nothing to do with it. He has a weak stomach for such things. Not me, though. I can see every kind of injury, disgusting or scary image or situation. Is that some kind of quality? Or something handy?

However, if someone runs over a dog or cat, I need to close my eyes. I would be unable to step out of the car if it happened to me. I’m pretty sure I would scream and cry my eyes out and never drive a car again.

Anyways, back to my sleeping routines.

I didn’t feel like having dinner so I got up for my pills and was in bed by 10 p.m. I must haven fallen asleep in just a few minutes. Then I woke up at 3.30 a.m (and went to the bathroom), 5.30 or 6.30 p.m, and was half asleep until I actually had to get up at 8 a.m. My goal is to be in bed around 8 or 9 p.m (I know, like a toddler).

I have chronic insomnia and must take my medication, which obviously makes me extremely sleepy. If I go to bed late, even around 11 p.m, I’m too sleepy the next morning and it’s very difficult to get up and go to work.

So, the plan is not going to bed at 8 and sleep for 12 hours, but going to bed at 8/9 p.m, which means taking my medication very early in the evening, which means waking up naturally, very early and having an easier morning. Today, I chose to go back to sleep at 6.30 a.m, but I was rested and would have been fine with getting up at that point. Even an hour earlier. Sounds like a good plan, doesn’t it?

Before going to sleep and usually before taking my pills and dropping dead, I read or listen to podcasts, audio-books and watch some videos on YouTube. It feels very cozy to get to bed early, with my space heater (Which I DON’T leave on during the night because it’s VERY DANGEROUS), my comfy bed and just do something relaxing.

Oh, it also cuts down on evening and late night snacking, which is a HUGE problem for me, as I tend to feel hungrier and need something sweet at night.

Well, my students will be here at 2.30 (in 45 minutes) and I want to go and get some coffee first, so I must say goodbye. (Yes, I still write my posts as they come and post them right way).

Please talk to me:

• What’s you bedtime routine like?
• What do you do before bed to relax?
• Do you listen to podcasts? Which ones?
• Tell me something weird about yourself. (please?)

Happy Birthday to me – 26 goals for year 26 + One year challenge

Good day to you people!!

I hope everyone is having a good, stress-free, easy Monday.

As you might have noticed from the tittle, it’s my birthday.

26 years ago today (close to 5 p.m), mom was probably in a lot of pain, poor thing. Thanks mama, for pushing me out, I know it must have been hard for you, despite the fact that it was probably the only time I was ever thin.

I used to love my birthday, but I’m NOT feeling it at all this year. For several reasons:

• I’m no longer in my early twenties;
• I’m close to 30, my scary age;
• I’m NOWHERE NEAR where I thought I would be by now, if you had asked me 10 years ago.
• I had the shittiest year, 25 being extremely hard. Is it going to be over now?
• I’m still going through some of the consequences of my mental health issues, meaning I’m still a fat ass and I hate my body and can’t stand looking at myself;
• I have some small family issues, nothing to big, thankfully;
• I have lost one of my best, childhood friends, probably forever.

I told Rui that the only thing I wanted to do today was try a pumpkin spice latte and go thrift shopping. I need some cardigans. I have decided to just go to Primark to get them because it’s closer and near Starbucks.

I’m going to my mom’s house for dinner. Not feeling it at all, but I need to do it for them.

Rui always takes my birthday off and so we have enjoyed a lazy morning, talking about my birthday blues and eating my favorite cereal (me).

I still have to work from 5 p.m to 7 p.m, which I don’t mind at all. I like being with the kids, even if they drive me crazy most days.

Because 25 was so bad, I’m kind of determined to TRY and make 26 way better. I came up with a few goals and also a few challenges.

26 goals for year 26:

1. Finally get my f*cking driver’s license;
2. Finally get braces and endure all of the suffering. At least high school has been over for many years so there’s no one to make fun of me;
3. Lose the damn weight;
4. Travel somewhere; Anywhere. Just see some new place, outside the country;
5. Get into that second degree I want to take so bad; (shhh, you all know what I’m talking about but I won’t say anything so I don’t jinx it. I’ll be doing my best to accomplish this goal which is more than just a goal, but one of the things I NEED to do with my life.
6. Write an e-book. (I have, but as a ghostwriter); 
7. Double my number of followers on this blog;
8. Go back to being a red; I just love it so much.
9. Share some exciting news in May; Can’t talk about it yet, sorry.
10. Learn Spanish so I can help the kids; 
11. Join the church choir. So, this might be happening already, I just haven’t said anything. I’m not particularly religious, as you already know. I have faith and I pray and I love to read your posts about faith and God’s word. But I don’t consider myself fully catholic and I don’t go to church. But I feel the need to sing. I haven’t in a long time and my spirit longs for it. So I looked into different options and the easiest and friendliest was the church choir. I have talked to one of the ladies and she lives near me so she even offered a ride. I’m going next Monday and try it out.
12. I had this idea or this calling after all of the things that happened in Portugal for the past few months. I would like… and bear with me… to train to be a volunteer  firefighter. Putting out fires is not all they do. They are the first at car accidents, 911 calls, they ride ambulances, help in all kinds of situations and are the first ones to be there for people when they need it the most. I thought it sounded stupid and impossible because I’m so far from being fit and I have no physical strength or resistance. I have talked to a girl I know who is a firefighter and she told me that’s not an issue at all. She said the physical test are minimal and that I could always get better and lose the weight before or while I’m taking the preparation course (250 hours, I think) because it would be long before I had to actually do something. I talked to my local fire department and they said I should go there and speak to them in person. I don’t know. Rui and I are talking and trying to figure out  what this would mean to us and how and if we could make it work. I don’t know if I dream too much of if I’m just someone who really wants to make a difference.
13. Learning how to sew;
14. Keep collecting plants and turn our patio into a beautiful garden;
15. Double my income;
16. Do my best to get organized; For the past few year, maybe more, I’ve had this problem where I can’t seem to get my shit together. If I’m working and being successful there, my house is a mess and the dog needs a bath. If I’m off, I should be cleaning the house but I seem to always feel tired and lazy so nothing gets done anyway. Laundry is an issue too. I’m always behind on errands. People keep telling me I don’t call or answer their calls. I just need to find a way to balance things better.
17. Really help someone;
18. Learn how to dance;
19. Volunteer at some charity or event;
20. Finally decorate this house;
21. Go off my medication completely. 
22. Meet some new people and make new friends. Be open to people and to the world in general;
23. Be in more pictures;
24. Just go to places and get out more;
25. Try new things;
26. Challenge myself;

Year 26 Challenge:

• 1.5 L of water every single day for a year;
• Exercise every single day for a year; (even just 15 minutes of yoga)
• No McDonald’s or soda for a year; (here’s looking at you, coke)
• 1 book a week for a year;
• 1 post a day for a year;
• 1 selfie a day for a year;
• Mandatory full skin care for a year; (Never go to bed without washing my face, never leave the house without sunscreen, never forget to moisturize after showering, remember to clean and moisturize my face on the weekends)
• Write 1 nice thought about myself every day for a year;

I guess I’m ready to take on this year. I just need to accept being 26 and try to make the best of it. I don’t to let another year go by and feel like I haven’t tried hard enough or that I haven’t accomplished anything. It’s the worst feeling.

Does anyone want to join me in one of the above challenges? We can be sodaholics anonymous together!!

Thank you for being here, friends.

Pocket Full of Random – 27/08/17

Hello my people,

How are you on this lovely Sunday?

Or Monday, dear Angela. It’s 2 a.m in New Zealand and you have to wake up in about 5 hours. Have a good Monday, my friend. Plenty of coffee!!

I haven’t done a random post in a while and I decided I would do one today, as they’re fun and everyone seems to like them. So there you go, random thoughts.

iPhone Affair:

• I’m in love. No, I’m not talking about Rui. I love him too but not as much as my new iPhone. I don’t give a shit about the brand and I’m very far from an apple fan girl but the truth is that the phone actually WORKS.

I no longer have to endure 5 minutes of suffering while my new phone (which should be working fine) is having a seizure and freezing, which it was doing about every 30 minutes. I know I’m cheap but the phone was not that cheap for me. I paid about 160€ for it less than a year ago and it was a mistake.

I was finally convinced by Rui to buy an iPhone, which costs about that 3 times that amount, and it was the best thing that I’ve done in a while. It’s user-friendly and it’s fast and fluid and there are tonnes of apps for it and the camera quality is very, very good.

I’ve been cheap all my life but I’m starting to believe that, sometimes, it is worth spending a little more for a quality product. Lesson learned.

I love my iPhone. I want to write a poet for it and take long walks on the beach while watching the sunset with dear phone.

Historical Accuracy:

• When you’re watching a historical (real) period show or movie, do you pause every few minutes to do some research on a character on event? I do. I watch everything with Wikipedia by my side.

While I was watching The White Queen (main characters Edward III, king of England and queen Elizabeth his wife) and The White Princess (Henry VII and his wife, queen Elizabeth, daughter of King Richard and Queen Elizabeth), I would fact check often and everything seemed to be on point. There was drama, obviously, but the historical part of the shows was very accurate and well performed.

Now I have switched to The Tudors (Henry VII, son and successor of Henry VII) and it’s my impression that things are a bit more romanticized and overdone. I’ve only watched about two episodes so I might be judging it too soon, but that has been my first impression. Let’s see if I change my mind. Henry VIII was indeed much more eccentric that his father so, maybe they want to make sure viewers understand the difference.

If I’m being honest, I find the latter a bit more boring that the two previous shows that I have mentioned.

Book Adventures:

Remember my List of books to be read until the end of 2017? I’m taking a little detour and reading After You by Jojo Moyes. I loved Me Before  so much and I really wanted to read the book before it becomes a movie (which it is happening), so I bought it in kindle form and am reading it on my phone. I’m enjoying it very much.

Have you read or watched the first book/film? Have you read the sequel?

Do you know the author? Have you read any of her books? I haven’t. Her choice of titles seems to draw my attention but I would like some feedback first.

Also, I must tell you I’m taking advantage of all the free kindle books on Amazon. I intend to buy a kindle or some kind of e-book reader soon but, right now, my phone will have to do.

Problem is: Even if I live to be 120, I will never have enough time to read every book I get my hands on, especially if I think about the 3000 (not exaggerating) I have collected over the years on my laptop. There’s just so much. Physical books, and e-books and audio books. Oh my.

Besides, being a virtual assistant, part of my job is getting reviews for books, which means I’m always getting new books. I love it but with each new book comes the stress of knowing I can’t get to all of them. Such is life, I guess. I’m sure about 99% of you feel just the same.

The Hunger Games: 

• I don’t really know what has gotten into me because this has never happened since I was about 2 years old and was still being nursed, but I have been eating during the night. Oh yeah, I wake up, go to the bathroom and get hungry. You can find me eating yogurt at 5.30 a.m or munching on corn crackers in the darkness of my room in the middle of the night, waking up Rui who asks in a judging tone “Are you eating”? – “Nope, you’re dreaming.”

Please tell me some of you get hungry at night? My uncle has the habit of waking up in the middle of the night for milk and cookies (something he has always done) and I used to think “What the hell? I can’t even get myself to the bathroom without stumbling on about 2 walls and 3 tables, let alone be alert enough to eat”. I’m doomed. I got fat eating during the day, I don’t know what will become of me if I starting eating 24/7.

YouTube Addiction: 

• I’ve develop a close relationship with YouTube for the past few weeks. Do you know those types of channels that draw you in and you can never be your free-self again? You know the type. The titles of the videos usually consist of something like “10 celebrities who Hollywood no longer hires” or “The most dangerous serial killers of all time”. I love watching those, I must confess.

Every time I see something that might interest me I click “watch later” and then I end up with a huge list of videos, alongside the usual mom vloggers I stalk. I hope this is temporary. Either that or special YouTube-addiction-rehab.

Sleeping Beauty:

• I have to report my change in medication has worked wonders. I fall asleep quickly and am able to sleep for the whole night, despite the occasional bathroom visit or fridge party.

I’ve also been waking up early which is awesome because I can get so much more done. I feel happy about it. When I don’t sleep well I feel miserable for weeks and can’t get shit done, which makes me frustrated. Then I’m frustrated because I can’t sleep and because I have a ton of things to do and can’t. Finally I get frustrated because I’m getting frustrated with all of the above. Do you get the picture?

2000 Followers:

• I still don’t know how this is possible. I’ve been writing so little that I thought I would get deserted and wake up with 50 followers some of these days. It hasn’t happened and I’ve kept growing, not sure how.

My stats are no longer as good as they used to be. Probably Karma because I’m not reading anyone’s blog at the moment and they must ignore me back. I totally get it.

I should do something to celebrate. What should I do? Do suggest something, please. I’ll let you pick this time. I’m out of ideas. Another party? Another giveaway? I’ve done it all.

Wellzz, I’m off now. Must do some work and read a few blogs if I can. I miss you guys, that’s true. I’m so behind you can no longer see me, which is very sad. I guess I’ll pick a few of you each day and read your latest 30 posts I have missed. Sounds like a plan.

P.S. Dear WordPress or whatever, can you stop marking Rui’s name as a spelling mistake? It’s my man and I won’t let you treat him like that!!

Bye guys.

I miss her…

I’m so frustrated.

I want to blog but I can’t seem to get it done. What is wrong with me?

I used to blog every day. I’m not on a break anymore. I want to do it. I miss it. But then I don’t. It’s not even writers block, I always have something to say.

My day was not that excited. I had my psychiatrist’s appointment and both Rui and my mom went with me. Then I spend the afternoon with mom, going to McDonald’s, talking, laughing. Not that much, though. Not as much as we used to. I don’t seem to find so many things to laugh about these days. I also don’t really feel like talking so I’m definitely poor company.  Apparently I don’t like to be held or touched or hugged either, as of late. This one is new. It makes me sad. Will I ever be the person I used to be? The funny one, always telling a joke, talking way too much and hugging everyone. Maybe she’s gone. I hadn’t noticed until today.

I don’t know myself anymore, most times. I take 10 pills a day, I’m always exhausted, I don’t have a job, I’m often dizzy, my hands shake, I’m way bigger than I used to be. Until a few weeks ago everything was fine, I was a blogger. I was a good, successful one. Now I’m one who doesn’t feel like writing.

Please, tell me there’s someone else out there feeling the same way. Far from their own person. Unknown to themselves. A tiny bit of what they used to be.

Will I ever come back to myself? I wish I do. I miss her..

Cheila

A few reasons why I might be a bad blogger…

If you ask me what a bad blogger is, I will tell you that there is no such thing. I believe we are all good in our own way. We do our thing and put so much effort in to blogging, how can we be bad at it?

But when it comes to myself, there are a few things that always bother me, and lead me to think I’m not a good blogger:

• I don’t always include pictures in my posts. I always include a featured image, that I get from Pixabay, most times. When I do include pictures, they are taken with my phone or with my pink, 3-years-old Sony compact camera. I don’t edit them at all. I don’t know which program to use and, to be really honest, I don’t really care. The ones I take are real and raw. But is that what people want to see in a blog? Probably not. People want to see beautiful, color corrected, no shadows, whatever (can you tell how much I know about photography?) images. Don’t they?

• I don’t have a blogging schedule or a blogging notebook or a list of  blogging ideas. They just come to me and I write. I’ve just had this post idea while in the shower and here I am, 10 minutes later, writing. I blog whenever I feel like it, about whatever comes to mind, sometimes more than once a day (annoying bitch!!)

• I have no filter. I’m the #queenofTMI, I write about any topic, good or bad and I say bad words, use sarcastic humor and just say whatever I want so say. I often ramble because I just want to write my thoughts, whatever they may be.

• I don’t respect those nice blogging rules of 1000 words maximum or keep it short and simple. I write until I feel like I have nothing else to say and that the post is ready. Sometimes you get huge posts.

• I don’t have a theme or themes. The world is my theme. You can get a recipe or a very Debbie downer post about depression or my health for days journey or something like asking for pen pals. Sometimes I come here just to tell you guys about something funny or nice that happened to me.

• I overshare. I don’t have any issues with privacy. I’m always honest and open and tell you everything. I’m comfortable answering any questions you have, even if they are personal. What you get here, is what I am. I don’t hold anything back. Sometimes I plan things that end up going to shit but I don’t hide them at all. You get no sugar-coating or any ideas of perfection from me.

• I care too much. I follow way too many people and spend endless hours reading their blogs. I love to be there for people and comment and actually read their work and that takes a huge part of my day.

• I get frustrated by the numbers. I have no idea why I have almost 800 followers and only about 100 or 200 people read my posts, like, comment. I don’t understand this and it makes me feel confused. I’ve said this in the past but why follow if you don’t support, don’t read and don’t engage with the blogger?

• I do too many tags and Awards. I had decided I would always accept them and do every single one but then I realized that might bore people to death (when you’re doing your Liebster number 87 it might get annoying) so I will just do the ones I’m already nominated for. I will also do any new ones that come my way and continue to nominate people for my tag.

• I get anxious because I don’t have enough time to comment on everyone’s blog. I often want to say something, ask questions, give my opinion. But I follow about 700 people. There is no way.

• To be honest, I don’t really think about what I am writing and don’t go back and edit sentences. You get things the way they come to my mind, as if I am talking to you. That’s why I probably sound rambly most of the time.

These are the reasons I think I don’t fit the pattern. I’m not consistent or professional at all. Will that ever change? I have no idea but I don’t think so.

What are your ideas on such topic?

What kind of blogger are you?

Are there any rules that you always follow?

xx

Cheila

Pocket full of random #3 + Random photos

• I’ve lost a little weight. Not much, just about 2 kg. Being sick does that to you.
• It’s been extremely windy here for so many days. It’s annoying because I want to do some gardening and the wind is very uncomfortable and it doesn’t help at all. I try to water the garden and get soaked, my poor plants just bounce away and I don’t feel like being outside at all.
• The fact that I’ve been sick has left our house in such a state. I mean, there isn’t a clean room in the whole house. There are so many dishes, laundry, I need some groceries, there’s dog hair everywhere, I haven’t changed my bed sheets in over 2 weeks, Rosa needs a bath, I need a shower… I mean, nothing is taken care of. I was about to cook dinner yesterday and then I realized I couldn’t be up. I was too sick to stand up so I had to lay down, put everything back in the fridge and send Rui to pick up some roast chicken and plain rice, so we could eat something and so that I could keep something in my stomach. I just called to set up a doctor’s appointment but since I have no doctor, I should have called before 4 p.m. Okay, then. I’ll call tomorrow. It’ll probably take me a month or two to get a random doctor to see me, then he’ll refer me for an endoscopy which will probably take a month or two to be scheduled. And you guys ask me why don’t I just go to the doctor lol
• My mother just got a brand new kitten. She’s so beautiful. A blue-eyed, two-month-old little thing called Daisy. Get it? Gatsby and Daisy? I named the first one and suggested the second. I have kitten fever, I wish I could have one.
• Is should be ashamed of myself because so many of my pen pals have sent letters and postcards and I have yet to answer a single one. I was the one who started it. Shame on you, girl, shame on you.
• It’s funny how people in general just use your ideas and present them as their own. It has been happening so much for the past few months. I get very pissed about it. You work hard for something and then some bright soul decide that they should be doing it too. What the fuck?
• I should have started to study by now, but I haven’t. I have all of my notes organized, though. I just need to get a few books from the library. I took a picture of all of the things I have to study (not all but about 3/4) so you could lose your mind and think “there’s no way you’re going to be finished by July 7”, which is probably true. I haven’t lost hope though lol
• I’ve been having the craziest dreams. Not nightmares, just the craziest, most farfetched dreams. Such trips, you have no idea. If I would bother to write them down I would have about 10 novels and 300 short stories. Would they be any good? Probably not.
• I hated my home office when we first moved. When I first saw the house, the lady who lived here had some sort of sanctuary going on in this room. A table full of sculptures of saints, I don’t know, just so many religious objects. I am sort of catholic but I hate such things because they creep me out. I don’t like crosses or rosaries or saints or any of those things hanging around my house. I can come up with two different reasons for that: 1) My grandmother forced us to have a bunch of those things in our rooms when I was little I was scared of the little figurines and didn’t thing they belonged in kids rooms. 2) Those are the first things they mess with in horror movies. If there’s an exorcism, you bet the demon or whatever will break/bend/destroy/explode how many crosses he can find. Rui and I share a great fear of being in an empty catholic church at night. We both talk about how that would be the scariest scenario ever. Anyway, whatever she had going on here, freaked me out. Apart from that, the room was super small, weirdly shaped with a descending ceiling and only a ceiling window. From the start, I told Rui he could have it as his man cave. Then we moved and I decided I definitely needed the space, for my desk and for storage. He was pissed but he understood. Then we did our remodel and this has become such a nice space for me. I have my bookshelves and my “working” materials, which means school and office supplies, my plants and good lighting. I spend so much time here now. I do feel claustrophobic sometimes but that’s because I’m too short to open the window AND the last time I tried, a small lizard fell down from the outside (almost on top of me).
• I have so many pens and pencils. I have a really hard time choosing what to write with. This might be my biggest first world problem.
• I moved out of home 2 and a half years ago which means I’ve had my own home for a long time and have only now started to separate our trash to recycle. Rui says his family plants a lot of trees every year so we’re probably forgiven. I say where the scum of humanity. Are you environmentally conscious?
• I’ve been… not so happy about blogging. Sometimes I ask myself what is the goal of all this work. I confess I have thought about closing the blog and being free from all of it. It does take a lot of work, a lot of effort and so much time. I get tired, sometimes.

Questions?

In what ways do you help the environment?

Can you keep your house clean and organized?

How’s the weather where you are?

“I’m sunbathing because I want to be a hot dog”

“Not dead, just taking a nap. Me and mah hose”

Random reading material

Little ones sprouting

Pretty flower. She looks delicate but she has been surviving the wind

Latest postcard from a lovely blogger and friend

View from one of my fences 1

View from my other fence

Polka dots/coffee/gift from mom. So perfect

3/4 of what I need to get through for my exams

View from my living room window. Room is dark but not this dark

Sunbathing/napping

Same materials, up close. I’ve printed out 738 pages yesterday

Oh, German!

View from one of my fences 2

Hydrangeas are in bloom, surviving the wind and loving the sun

Sneaky plant, sneaking in from the house next door (empty)

My pretty tree

Only Shakespeare could do an Hamlet without eggs

One Month Blogging Challenge – Day 13 (My dream job)

Here I am, for the third time today. Did you miss the annoying amount of daily posts and bad jokes? So did I, so did I.

I’m back because, once again, I’m late for my blogging challenge. Well, I’m 2 hours and 11 minutes late, so I’m on time in some countries, I guess.

First of all, let me remind you to check Maggie and Angela‘s posts, as we are doing these challenge together. Also, they always post on time, so you are better off reading their posts haha.

Today’s topic is my dream job, and so I will tell you.

My Dream Job:

I dream of being a doctor. Yes, you’ve read that right. I’m 25 years old and telling you I want a completely different career than the one I have (or not) right now. I’ve been teaching private English lessons since 1012. I like it, I’ve had probably close to 200 students, always between 10-30 at a time (keep in mind these are private lessons, so always 1 or 2 people for each class) and I’ve been super busy. It become a business that I was running on my own, before it became too much and I had to take a break, which is what I am doing now. I love English and the fact that I am fluent. I love teaching and I know I’m very good at it. I don’t say that about me often. That I’m really good at something. There aren’t even many things I could say that about, other than this. I’m a really good teacher. A kind, patient, helpful and effective teacher. But that’s not where my heart is.

I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was 15 and in 9th grade. I was a good student, one of the best in class or maybe even the best. But never in Maths. Never. Because I had been naughty and rebellious for so many years, I was and would always be behind in Maths. Remember I told you I had been held back two years for missing class and being a really bad student? That really affected my Math’s grades. I was able to start studying again and became a good student after my years of being well, an idiot. But with Maths, it was harder. I never had a good mark.

We have this thing in Portugal, where you have to choose a specific path after 9th grade. Students are divided by different areas, chosen by them. I really wanted to choose Science and Technologies, where I would have the required subjects to do the right exams and try to enroll in medicine. Those were called “specific subjects” and they were Biology and Geology, Mathematics and Physics/Chemistry (they teach this together). I know I would be fine with Biology, Geology and maybe with Chemistry but not with Physics and certainly not with Mathematics. I would need to get a tutor for sure, which I couldn’t afford at all. My family situation was not ideal either, as I can honestly tell you I never had the right studying environment, if you know what I mean. So, I got scared and chose the easy path, Humanities. This was something I was good at. History and Geography and Literature were easy for me. I would have no issues studying by myself. I would get good grades and go to university. I would forget about the doctor thing and study Literature. I love Literature, I do. I love Science as well. I love both.

The doctor thing has never left my mind. I did nothing while I was still in school but once I was in university and already working, I decided I couldn’t let it go, so I tried three different things.

• I enrolled in a private school where I could study and finish the subjects I needed and do the required exams. Biology/Geology, Maths and Physics/Chemistry. I went to class. I worked. I was in university. I hated this private school. The teachers didn’t teach, they babied the students and gave them tricks about what they thought was gonna be asked in the exams. This was not what I wanted. I needed to learn. I needed the basics. I need to do well. I was paying 200€ and some change a month by myself, which was a huge burden. I wouldn’t have minded, if I was learning something, which I wasn’t. So I quit.
• In 2015, I enrolled in a public school for night classes. They were between 6.30 p.m and 11.30 p.m. I was going to this classes while working all day and going ton school at night. I had a second job at h&m, 12 hours a week. This would be nights or weekends. I was still in uni. I was not living at home anymore, having my own house and things to manage. It was too much. I decided that I would either live h&m or school. I didn’t want to live school at all but there were some outside pressures not worth mentioning. I thought I needed the money I made at the store, so I quit school. I was doing quite well at school, actually. And it became clear I didn’t need my h&m paycheck when I got sick of working there and decided I wanted nothing more to do with it a few moths later. I don’t regret many things, but I do regret living night school.
• Last year, around May. I decided I would study by myself, get a tutor and try to do the Biology/Geology exam. The plan was to pass the exam, enroll in nursing school (you can enroll in nursing school with only Biology and Geology, while you need Maths and Physics and Chemistry, along with a much higher average, to study medicine) and then transfer to medicine school. My business was absolutely booming. March-July is the busiest time of the year because I tutor kids for their Portuguese, English or History college admission exams. Exam season is crazy business, so I didn’t get to study as much as I wanted, nor have as many tutoring sessions as I would like to. I did the exam anyway and didn’t pass. I had a score of 6, when I needed minimum 10 to even pass and 13 to apply to nursing school. We get a second chance, so I did the exam again. I got 11,2. It wasn’t enough, but I was (am) pretty proud of myself for having done it. It gave me courage.

Will I keep trying? I have no idea. The dream is still here. It will always be. This is what I want to be. I joke and tell Rui the two things I want to be in life start by m. Medic and mother. I also joke that, if I got the chance to be a doctor I would even do it for free. That’s how much I love it. I’ve been known to watch surgeries only and even autopsies. Mr.R thinks I’m disgusting, haha.

So, what would be my options:

• To get into medical school the regular way, I need an average of 18. Which is pretty high. I can either study by myself and do all of the exams, which I’m sure I can’t do, or I can go back to night school and go to actual classes and tutoring sessions and the whole thing. Going back to school, I will need to be there for 3 years and then apply. I’m already 25 so I don’t really feel like waiting another 3 years to get there.
• I can repeat the Biology exam, with more time to study and more support and repeat the exam, so I can enroll in nursing school. I would then have to complete one year of nursing school and 1. have perfect attendance, 2. pass all of the courses, 3. do the maths and Physics and Chemistry during that year and get a minimum of 14. This option is easier and faster but more expensive (school is free, nursing school is not) and time-consuming.

What would you do? What should I do? I have no idea! Should I give up on my dream because it is too hard? Am I too late, too old? I go back and forth with these questions. My mind tells me to let it go and focus on just working and living my life, but my heart… that’s a different story and I have no idea how it will end.

Thank you so much for reading such a long post.

Feel free to comment with your honest opinions!

What’s your dream job? Are you doing it? I hope you are.

xx

Cheila

 

Health for days journey – day 17 (The “I haven’t cleaned my house since before Easter and deeply regret it”) edition!

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen,

What a beautiful Thursday this is. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, Rosa is getting crazy because she wants to catch them all… Just a normal Spring day.

We are having a ladies’ stay-cation, while Rui went away for work. Me and Rosa plan on doing each other’s hair and nails and watching Mean Girls. Kidding, mostly I just clean the house and she stares at me.

Today is the first day I’m trying to get back on track!! Who else was naughty during Easter and wants to join me?

Anyway, I’ve got good news!

As you know, I had a psychiatrist’s appointment yesterday. She told me she is really happy with me and my improvements and that I don’t even look like the same person that went there for the first time, so lonely and sad and desperate. She said she can really see an improvement and… she cut back on my meds!!! A few of them!! It’s the first time something like that has happened. Usually they would either change or increase my medication, but not this time. She said she could see they were working. I told her I was sleeping too many hours and she said that was a good sign, it meant that I was taking too much medication and could reduce significantly. Today I woke up naturally at 7.30!! I also told her I was not losing way, despite exercising and doing so many diet changes and she told me to walk those 4 km that take to get me to town and back EVERY SINGLE DAY! Am I going to be able to do that? It’s scary and I’m so lazy. Let’s see.

The funny news is that my actual doctor’s appointment (family doctor, for exams) was not yesterday, it’s on the 26th. Ooops. It’s actually sad because I couldn’t wake up to go (too much medication) and Mr.R got super pissed and went to his, at 8.15 a.m. When he got there they told him “Oh but it’s not today, it’s on the 26th”. Poor baby.

I have yet to go to my office and start packing, didn’t do that yesterday. We are planning on going on Sunday. But I DID manage to convince Mr.R to go and buy some clothes. We got him a pair of shoes, 3 pairs of pants, some boxers and about 5 or 6 T-shirts. He needs some polo shirts as well (they are a little more formal for meetings and such) but he didn’t like any of the colors so, next time. We got good deals too. So I’m happy about that.

That’s all I did yesterday. That and watch the pilot of Poldark. I did like it but I’m not convinced yet lol Let’s see if the second episode does a good job in making me go through with it.

I’m only now having brunch/lunch/whatever. I should definitely do a meal plan with schedule hours. Might work on that today. I’m having my usual oatmeal, some coffee, some ice water with lemon and a dessert plate full of frozen baby carrots. Does anyone else eat that as a snack/lunch complement? They’re fresh and delicious.

My house is such a disaster, you have no idea!! I have the amount of dishes of a small restaurant to wash, a pile of laundry bigger than my house, things to unpack, things that I bought that need to find a home, etc. It’s really in critical state. I might do a room each day lol while doing laundry. I want to do some Spring cleaning so that’s what I will do. I might start with the kitchen today, or tomorrow lol and go from there.

Oh and did I tell you my dog is on her period? Oh yeah. She bleeds all over the house? “Put a diaper on her” hahahaha she would take it off and eat it. So I just need to wash everything. Over and over. She’s outside checking for cute dogs right now, which is good, at least she’s not on the couch. Oh, the joys of being a girl dog mom!

What else did I want to tell you?

Oh I got a lovely postcard and letter for my first pen pal to send something. My gorgeous  friend Natalie sent me a beautiful post card. I can’t show you because it’s from her city and I need to respect her privacy. But it’s beautiful and it came with a lovely letter. I can’t wait to send her something back. Thank you, Natty!!

I’m also waiting on a book that I won in a Giveaway that Jenny did!! I was so surprised when she told me I was the winner. I have never won anything!! I could have a book of my choice and I chose Of Mice and Men by Steinbeck. I’ve been meaning to read it for a while so it was a great opportunity to finally have the book. I’m still waiting on it and currently stalking the mailman.

I have bough drawing paper, brushes and gouache. A new hobby to add to my reading, watching movies, watching series, readings blogs, blogging, doing crochet and knitting, which I already don’t have time for? Stay tuned, I’ll be the next Picasso.

I guess that’s it guys. Oh I told you I would start telling you how I am in terms of weight every day (I’m not shamed of being overweight) so you (and I) can check my progress.

Current weight: 87,3 kg / 192.7 lb

Goal weight : 60 kg/ 132.4 lb

Must lose: 27 kg/ 59.8 lb

I have I bet with Rui that if I lose 10 kg/ +- 20 pounds by June I get to go shopping and spend big time!!!! I have about 2 months (it can be June 20, for example) so that means I have to lose 1 kg (or 2 pounds, +-) per week. I will not starve at all. I will eat healthy and exercise.

Who else needs to lose a little weight?

Do you have any tips/tricks?

I guess that’s it for now, my friends.

See you later!!

Love.

Cheila