I’m so frustrated.
I want to blog but I can’t seem to get it done. What is wrong with me?
I used to blog every day. I’m not on a break anymore. I want to do it. I miss it. But then I don’t. It’s not even writers block, I always have something to say.
My day was not that excited. I had my psychiatrist’s appointment and both Rui and my mom went with me. Then I spend the afternoon with mom, going to McDonald’s, talking, laughing. Not that much, though. Not as much as we used to. I don’t seem to find so many things to laugh about these days. I also don’t really feel like talking so I’m definitely poor company. Apparently I don’t like to be held or touched or hugged either, as of late. This one is new. It makes me sad. Will I ever be the person I used to be? The funny one, always telling a joke, talking way too much and hugging everyone. Maybe she’s gone. I hadn’t noticed until today.
I don’t know myself anymore, most times. I take 10 pills a day, I’m always exhausted, I don’t have a job, I’m often dizzy, my hands shake, I’m way bigger than I used to be. Until a few weeks ago everything was fine, I was a blogger. I was a good, successful one. Now I’m one who doesn’t feel like writing.
Please, tell me there’s someone else out there feeling the same way. Far from their own person. Unknown to themselves. A tiny bit of what they used to be.
Will I ever come back to myself? I wish I do. I miss her..