Hey there, lovely people!
How was Easter?
Have you been on the scale since? Neither have I, I’m too scared!
Mine was really amazing. I got to spend time with Rui’s side of the family and I love them all so much. Being on the countryside, walking to the only existing cafe in the village, where everyone knows each other, being out in the sun, the flowers, the beautiful Spring weather, being with my little cousins (and asking their mom if they coul spend a weekend with us and she saying yes (I was very happy to know she trusts me with her girls), holding our 5 week old cousin and being able to experience that newborn smell, heat and beauty, meeting an amazing neighbor who looked at me and said to Rui “She is so beautiful, she has such a beautiful face!”, which made my day (after being called fat by a random old lady), being with Rui’s grandma (who I call grandma as well) and her trying to pronounce my name, which she can’t and so we decided from now on she can call me Maria hahaha, getting Rui’s brother Frozen (the movie) Easter eggs as a joke, seeing everybody, video calling my family and knowing they were all together, having Easter lunch (which hasn’t happened in many years), talking to Rui about our future, our dreams and goals on our way back, during our 2 hour drive, going to my friend’s birthday dinner and seeing all my friends and her mom and brothers, sister and sisters-in-law, that I hadn’t seen in a long time, coming home, to watch our favorite Sunday night show and then going to sleep in our own bed. Such happy things. I am not sure I would be well enough to appreciate them a month ago. I would be too sick to see the beauty, too nervous to tolerate people, too self-conscious to go anywhere. Thankfully, I’m doing better.
But not everything is good… Of course not. It never is. When my mom called me (video chat) she showed me my grandmother and she didn’t recognize Rui. She also told me that she has given my grandmother a bath, which is sad because we used to bathe each other (me and my grandmother, when she was in a good mood, the rare days) as a joke, get in each other’s bath as not completely fit in the tub together and just play and laugh. I remember me and my sister always ofering to scrub her back for her, because she couldn’t reach back, but she was healthy, just a little old. Now she really can’t bather herself, apperently. That time has come. Which is really sad and it breaks my heart. I called my mother later and she told me that she thinks that my grandmother is really sick, she’s really week and not herself at all. She keeps saying “I’m not going to be here long”. That’s so scary, because my grandfather used to say that months before he passed away. Do you know when your time is up? Do you feel yourself going a little bit each day? I have no idea. But she IS going a bit each day. We can all see that. Maybe she can too. I’m not afraid of getting old. I am not. I think old age is beautiful. But it’s hard to see the changes, the strenght that is no longer there, the independece gone. Life just disappears in front of your eyes. I will never be able to accept that and to deal with it.
I’ve decided to declare today as a lazy day, since I’m really tired because I was away from home and around people for so long. Those things get me tired. Do they get you tired? Or am I weird?
So today, I’m going to blog and finish watching 13 reasons why!
I’m behind on my blog reading and I intend to get updated. I miss you guys and I want to be there for you!!
Tomorrow is back to real life, my health journey and moving out from my office. I also have two doctor’s appointments this week and really need to make a study plan and start preparing for my exams in July.
How was your Easter?
What do you have you have going on in the next few weeks, months? Share your plans/lists with me. I’m super
nosy curious and love to know what you’re up to!
Talk to your guys later.
P.S I didn’t blog yesterday. For the first time in months. The Award posts you read yesterday were written on Saturday evening, while Rui was out with his best friend. I scheduled them both to be published yesterday because I knew I wouldn’t have time to blog at all. It was the first time I scheduled a post lol Just wanted to share that with you.