Maybe I spoke too soon?

Don’t worry, my friends, I’m still okay and feeling better. I just didn’t have the best of nights, comparing to the day I had. I feel like I disappoint you for feeling bad about something again, after such a positive post. But you know I’m always honest you with and tell you things like they are.

I’ve been having the worst dreams you can possibly imagine. Really bad nightmares. You know my grandmother is completely senile, most of her brain cells are dead. My grandfather was senile too, before he passed, six years ago. I keep dreaming that my grandmother is going to die, that my grandfather is alive, that they are both senile and I’m the one who needs to take care of them, I keep dreaming that my grandmother is dead and my grandfather is actually alive. All sorts of scary things related to them, and death.

And the problem is, I feel like my grandmother is not going to be here for long. I keep waiting to get the call. (I’m sorry for saying this my dear sister, I know this breaks your heart but I need to take this out of my chest). This has been going on for weeks and I haven’t talked to anyone about it, not even my mom, not even Rui. But last night was so bad, so tiring and it made me so desperate and scared that I could not sleep and rest. So I stayed home today. Because I’m feeling so down because of those nightmares. They’re all I can think about.  Also my back hurts like hell, my yoga is either very good or I hurt myself, but that’s a different story.

I’m sorry to bring you such a negative “scared little girl” post, but I can’ t hide anything from you. I could never write a very nice, happy post and feel the opposite way. I respect you too much for that. But I feel bad to write a negative post after you being so happy for me yesterday and wishing a good week. I feel like I’m failing you.

But I’m better. That part is still true and I feel much better during the day. Nights are my problem. But I will be okay. I am okay.

I love you guys so much for “listening”. You know I’m here for you if you ever need me.

Sending love and tight hugs to all my dear readers/friends.

I promise I will post something funny today to lighten the mood.

xo