Why are we never good enough?

So, there isn’t a very nice way to say this… I’m fat. I am. I weigh about 85 kg and I haven’t even weighed myself in the last few weeks that I have been home, eating cereal like it is my job, so I’m being generous. I’m 1,58 cm. I should weigh between 53 kg and 62 kg. That’s my healthy weight. So, I’m obese, according to the numbers.

The thing is, I know that. We all know it. If you’re 5 kg or 50 kg overweight, you usually know it. Unless you’re one of those clueless women with a size XL ass that try to fit into an XS, which I have witnessed when I worked at H&M. But that’s their thing, they want to wear an XS and we should not judge.

I know damn well I don’t fit in an extra small size. For anything. Not even a small. Usually I can fit an M or an L, comfortably. I know all of this. It’s my body, you would think that I’m aware of my body, right? But no. Some people, usually with good intentions, make a point to tell me that I’m fat. Thank you? I wouldn’t know it if you didn’t tell me? Is that what I should answer? I’ve run out of polite answers, because it is so frequent.

There’s always the person who hasn’t seen you in a long time and who makes a point to say “Wow, you’ve gained weight”. Uhhh… Thank you?  What can I say to this person?

Then, there’s always the aunt or cousin or friend or whatever, at the table, when you’re eating something you shouldn’t, who thinks it’s their life’s mission to say “be careful, that is really fattening”… Okay, now it will taste like guilt you bitch!!

Why are people like this? I know I’m fat. I know I’m fatter. I know it damn well. My clothes don’t fit, I eat emotionally, I see the numbers go up on the scale… I’m aware that I’m fat. I cry about it too. I feel like shit, I’m ashamed to eat in public because I always imagine strangers thinking “there she is, that fat pig stuffing her face”. I’m too shy to take pictures because I don’t want to see myself. Same goes for mirrors. Shopping? Nightmare.

Every day I’m afraid I will run into an old schoolmate, one of those boys who said I was the prettiest girl in the whole school, and that they will think “damn, look where she ended up”.  I’m afraid I will run into an old boyfriend and that he will think “thank god she wasn’t like that when I dated her”. Those are the things that occupy my mind, all the time. So you can be sure, I know. You don’t need to say anything. Please don’t say anything.

And you know what makes me even more sad? I’ve been to the other side. Briefly, but long enough to know what it feels like to be what people consider too thin. I was fourteen or fifteen years old and I just lost a lot of weight so I was pretty small. Not even 50 kg. And people wouldn’t leave me alone for that. “What happened to your ass”, they would say. Or, “I can see your hip bones poking through your skin, you look sick”.  Or the classic one “you need to eat something”. I’ve been to both sides. No one has it easy.

People are so obsessed about weight that they cannot stop themselves when it comes to making comments. If I lose 10 kg now, I now that I will hear “Oh, you look so much better now”, which they think it’s not offensive at all.

My point is, please stop making comments about people’s weight. It’s never okay.

Don’t think I’m not guilty of this or that I’m any better, because I’m not. I’m not sure I’m the type of person to make a comment but I know I think about it. “Wow, she looks thinner”. Sentences like this one have crossed my mind many times. I also think I would look better if I was thinner. Is it true? Probably. Do I think that because of what society expects of me? Probably. What should I do then? I have no idea.

 

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72 thoughts on “Why are we never good enough?

  1. May Everly says:

    Aww, I hope you feel better about yourself! It’s always said that beauty is from the inside, but in a society where we judge people based on looks, it’s hard to believe that. Just know that you have many people who love you and will never hate you because you’re “fat”! And I agree that we shouldn’t comment on people’s weight. I have a friend who thinks she is fat, but she really isn’t, and when someone mentions something similar to her being fat, she feels really bad.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Cheila says:

      I think exactly like you. We can all be beautiful and we should compliment people more often, not the other way around. Okay, I notice your hair looks like shit or you have gained weight, why do I need to bring that to your attention and make you feel bad? I don’t.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. the happiest pixel says:

    That has happened to me, too. You’re too thin, you look sick… But if I gain some weight: wow, you’re fatter now… Just ignore them. I think the problem is not you; actually when someone needs to say offensive things is a sign that they do have a problem, not you. We just should accept ourselves: this is the first step to happiness.
    Don’t worry about that, my happy pixel. Just be happy!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Phaytea's Pulse says:

    Oh my!!! I can totally relate…I have put on some weight too..I am aware and I’m comfortable because I don’t feel unfit in anyway… i kind of understand when someone I haven’t seen in a long time comments about my weight, but I don’t understand how people can make comments without tact. I can’t be rude and I’ve run out of answers…sigh

    Liked by 2 people

    • Cheila says:

      Yes. To be honest I’m not so worried about my weight gain because I know that I have health issues and that I need to be patient. Unless someone brings it up… then I feel like shit.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Rita says:

    People notice the difference and, I don’t know, maybe they think they should comment so we know they noticed about us? I know it’s really unconfortable, I never experienced many up and downs in weight but even though sometimes family or friends comment that I’m thiner or “now you’re fatter” when they don’t see me in a long time. Thin or fat, it really doesn’t change who you are, I usually don’t even notice when you’re a little fatter. Feeling good, or bad, about yourself, shouldn’t be conditioned by what other people think or say. You don’t owe them you’re weight. You’re beautiful.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Cheila says:

      Thank you, my dear friend. I just think people are a little mean and that there’s no need for that. Why comment on something that will make you feel bad? Just keep quiet if you don’t have anything nice or pleasant to say.

      Like

  5. ignitedmoth says:

    People can be such assholes sometimes. :/ You’re definitely right about no one having it easy, which just makes it sadder that so many people feel the need to point out “flaws” they see in others. It’s horrible.
    There’s enough problems out there in life that you’d think our safe space would be in ourselves but more times than not people are made to feel as if they are not good enough if they don’t fit a very particular mold. It’s ridiculous. And what’s worst is that people are so quick to call someone out for being “too fat” or “too thin” as if these are the worst things a person could be, but those same people would never call out a bully for being too mean or insensitive. I would much rather call someone out for bad behavior than their looks. Talk about shallow.
    I know it’s hard, but try not to let people like that get you down. You are beautiful and kind and intelligent. You don’t have to be a certain size to be any of those things, so the haters can just get off their high horses already.
    A lot of the time when people say rude things to us or others no one ever calls them on it and they continue to think it is okay for them to do so. I’ve noticed that the few times I’ve actually confronted a person with how they were treating me or someone else that they tended to get embarrassed and admit that they didn’t mean to be hurtful, at which point I remind them that it IS hurtful and that they should think of that before they say things like that. It tends to work. Most (not all, of course) people don’t like to come across as bad people, but are sometimes thoughtless. Sometimes we all say things without thinking or that are in poor taste. If we’re lucky we will learn from our mistakes and try not to make them again.
    And if they get defensive and demand to know why you would call them for acting like a jerk you can just say something like “Well, since you were so eager to tell me about MY flaws, I just thought you might like me to return the favor by telling you about yours.” 😛 Because at the end of the day, being an asshole is way worse than being “fat” or “scrawny”.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Cheila says:

      You’re absolutely right. I wish people would worry about that more, maybe we would have less bullies. I’ve been mean to people, we all have, I wish there was someone to tell me that I was being an asshole every time. I would learn and become a better person for that. If they comment on my weight, I just go and eat more so I can show them my fat ass lol I wish people were kind to each other. Have you noticed that when you compliment a woman, a friend or a coworker or random stranger, they usually act surprised?? Because it’s not normal. People are used to being judged, not loved. That makes me really sad.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. lolostrong says:

    Cheila, I want to speak truth here snd I am way out of bounds doing so. I have lived a long very full life. When people worry about what people are saying to them and about them it is symptomatic. That usually means that they are measuring their own worth. To hell with them. Let them judge. Try not to judge them for being judgemental. They have their own crap to deal with. Work on you. Only you know your triggers. If you want to be something you are not do something about it. Seek professional help. A nutritionist, a doctor, a fitness or wellness coach.
    It’s all in the gotta wanna. What do you want? What are you willing to do to get there? You are intelligent and we’ll spoken. That took work. You are brave. That takes courage.
    People would try to get under my skin and say “Do you know what they are saying about you?” My response is always, “Truthfully, I could care less what they say!”
    Let them talk. Be happy with you. Be empathetic with others. Do what you think is right for you.
    Anyway just some expirienced bull from an old man.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Cheila says:

      Ì totally understand what you mean, and I think you are absolutely right. However, my post was about the need that people have to make you feel bad, and to make comments on your appearance, no matter what you look like. That bothers me, in general. It was not about how I feel about myself because, honestly I’ve come to a point where I don’t care. Now that I’m fat, they will say something. When I lose the weight (If I decide that I want to) they will say something again. My question is, why do people need to comment on other people’s lives with the intent of hurting them? It’s your appearance, how many kids you have, how you spend your money. People always feel the need to say something, and that makes me angry. Maybe I’m being just like them in saying this, but I can’t help it. Anyway, I will follow your advice and try to ignore what others think about me, but that would be easier if they just shut the fuck up.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. One-Way to Health says:

    Don’t listen to anybody, people will always have something to say. So just keep your chin up and be confident, you are beautiful and are such an amazing person! Don’t beat yourself up about it, if you think it would make you feel better being skinnier, than be skinnier, if you don’t care, then just stay as you are! But whatever you decide do it for yourself and not for anybody else! There will always be people who will love you no matter how skinny or fat you are! 😘😘😘

    Liked by 3 people

  8. 3sistersabroad says:

    I have been on both sides of the weight fence. Overweight and underweight. When i was skinny…I would only see fat! When overweight I would only see skinny!…People used to say to me when I was skinny…are you pregnant again? as my tummy would stick out….by the way it still sticks out when fat too…its in my genes….so when I was skinny and that pregnant comment was said…I went on a silly exercise not eating program. When I look at those pictures now, I see someone who was so underweight. I am now about 78 kgs, dropping down from 95 kgs. People now are saying, oh your looking so drawn in the face. It never stops. They say your fat, or they say your skinny. Leave it alone. No one should be made to feel that they are only good according to the weight. Sorry kind of a rant here xx

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Oristel Guenael says:

    You are perfect. There is nothing wrong with your weight. You are wonderful, amazing, gifted, intelligent, and you are definitely important! don’t let the grass grows under your feet! And keep on moving! We love youuuuuuuu! ❤️😍

    Liked by 2 people

  10. angelacampbellx12 says:

    I’ve had this issue my entire life. It’s been so hard to gain weight until recently. I’m finally at a normal weight. Up until now the comments of me being too skinny became a norm for me and it was just as much of an insult as it is when people make comments about others being over weight. I say screw them. You be you because you’re beautiful the way you are. You don’t have to change for anyone. Do what makes you happy. That’s all that matters.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Cheila says:

      I’m sorry you had to go through that.. There should be no normal weight, as long as you’re healthy. Every body should be perfect. Thank you so much for such a kind and beautiful comment!

      Like

  11. comfykittea says:

    It’s so frustrating…if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. I assume those people commenting on everything have their own problems they should care about. People love to make themselves feel better by saying these things, don’t let them get you down!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Marie-Celine says:

    I am sorry that you feel that you are not the correct weight. It is such a shame that people can hurt you with their comments, but please remember it is their problem not yours. The most important thing to be in life is kind to each other, because that is what makes nice people – not whether they are pretty or skinny or wealthy or whatever. Surround yourself with positive and supportive friends and let go of the struggle to be “normal” – just be you 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Becca Barracuda says:

    This is a constant battle within my own head; I’m trying to love myself where I am, but more often than not, I feel discouraged, just standing in front of the mirror, brushing my teeth. And I’m not even what one would consider overweight; I won’t jump into any of the Look-What-the-Media-Has-Done-to-Us stuff, but rather, just know you’re not alone. Sometimes I look in the mirror and say to myself, “You’re badass and beautiful,” you should try it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. madkatter13 says:

    Never good enough – so true. Society is always changing and hash. I have also been on both sides and some of the most horrifying things I have ever heard about me, was in regards to my weight. For example “do you ever eat without throwing up?” “You’re so small, what do you have to complain about in life”

    It is sad that people feel so free to say such things. It’s very hurtful and they don’t understand back stories that may out us there too. My anxiety has impacted me in many ways at times in my life.

    Beauty is always from the inside – as cliché as it sounds, it’s true my dear. Keep pushing forward and quite frankly F what the rest say. Your opinion is the most important and we all have something we feel we need to work on – so know it’s okay to be a work in progress 🙏🏻❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  15. englishwithkirsty says:

    I don’t actually think we need polite responses for comments like that. Ok, being rude back doesn’t achieve anything, but calling someone out when they’re being tactless or unkind is ok in my book – but then I’m known for being quite direct! A question like “whhy do you feel the need to tell me that?” or “How do you think you would feel if someone said that to you?” I think when I was really underweight, my family was genuinely concerned that I would keep going in that direction, but generally I agree it’s nobody’s business but yours.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Cherylene says:

    Cheila my philosophy on this weight issue is “you do you and I’ll do me”. People make it their business to share their thoughts on such matters that have nothing to do with them. I believe we are all beautiful and amazing women regardless of our packaging. Big, medium or small is irrelevant once you are taking the best care of yourself that’s all that matters.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Karina Pinella says:

    It’s nobody’s business how much someone else weighs or why they look the way they do (from weight perspective). Whatever reaction you get outside yourself is just those people’s reflection of themselves and not yours. So, if they give negative comments, remember it’s not about you or your problem. The key is you remain true to yourself and accept your inner and outer beauty. You will find them if you look for them. Once you’ve made yourself really aware of them, remind yourself of them during those times you might be in a weakened state of mind. You have choices. You can prioritize and decide what is important to you. Embrace the areas you feel or believe could be better. The so-called weaknesses might even be questionable. For example, say your weakness is your waist size is 35″ or you enjoy eating cake. Is this a weakness because it’s your opinion or are you labeling it as a weakness because factors outside of yourself is making you think it’s a weakness. If it’s the latter, then discard that label because you don’t own that opinion. You’ll then accept that part of you as being okay and you’ll be much happier. Before you know it, you’re on the road to true self-acceptance with your own definition of beauty on your own terms and that is just fine. This is what “we are all unique” means.

    Thanks for the follow too. I appreciate the visit. Please do come again.

    Liked by 1 person

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